HOME ALONe for the HOLiDAYS
by 80s Dave
Summary: This is my new script for a home alone sequel to lost in new york. Kevin has two kids; Calvin and Macy. They now live in a new home outside of Chicago after Kevin's recent separation from his wife, Ashley. Meanwhile Harry and Marv (now the smokey bandits) want to kidnap Kevin's kids after 28 years in prison!
1. Party at the McAllister's

HOME ALONe for the HOLiDAYS

The story begins on December 22 at the McAllister home about 30 years after the events that happened when 8 year old Kevin McAllister was mistakenly left at home by his family who in a mad rush, due to a power outage, flew to Paris from their Chicago home. Of course Kevin was alright and the family was able to make it home early that Christmas morning in 1990, but not before Kevin fended off his home from two snarling burglars by using an array of makeshift self defense traps. The burglars, named Harry Lime and Marv Merchants were being taken into custody by local police when Marv confessed that they were the infamous "wet bandits". One year later, in an incredible coincidence, the recently escaped wet bandits who had fled to New York city, encountered Kevin there who had been in the city on his Christmas vacation. Kevin was able to lure them into a trap that resulted in their capture once again. The "wet bandits" now dubbed the "sticky bandits", were sentenced to serve the remainder of a 30 year sentence.

The party had already began at the McAllister home that evening, and was missing only one thing: Enough pizza to feed the 25+ family members that were gathered there. On the phone was Kate McAllister, the matriarch of the McAllister clan.

Kate: (to the little Nero's pizza phone operator) Yes, thank you. Im sorry. It's just that there are screaming kids everywhere and not a sane adult in the house...I understand...Well thank you so much! See you soon...

Kate gently slams the phone down with an irritated look on her face.

Kate: (Yelling) KEVIN!

Kevin comes into the kitchen with a look of slight concern mixed with curiosity.

Kevin: Everything ok mom?

Mom: I'm sorry honey. Can you grab all the children and put them together in the den and put a movie on. I have the pizza guy comeing and im this close to having a breakdown. Grab your brother to help you. Thanks sweetie.

Kevin: No need to freak mom. We'll take care of it.

In the den, Buzz, Uncle Frank, and Fuller are playing a serious game of Monopoly. Frank rolls 11 the dice.

Frank: eleven...

Frank starts counting out loud as he moves his pawn down the board. As Buzz gets distracted with a text, Frank takes the chance to take an extra space avoiding Kentucky avenue, which is covered with a hotel and lands on a chance space instead.

Frank: ...Alright...that's a chance card...

Frank reads it to himself carefully as he wonders if he should attempt to cheat again or just do what the card says. His son Fuller wonders as well as he chims in while drinking a pepsi.

Fuller: (While grabbing Frank's card) What's it say pops?

Frank: Hey! I can read you know!

The card orders Frank to pay taxes for every house and hotel which would cost him quite a lot. Fuller is about to read it but puts it down as he suddenly gets the urge to go.

Fuller: One second...nature's calling.

Buzz: (While texting) Nature don't call to that boy...it yells.

Frank pretends to read the card again and figures if he gives a little money to each player, no one will question it.

Frank: Ah darn...gotta pay...10 to each player...alright your turn Buzz.

Kevin comes in at that moment to recruit Buzz to help him gather the kids.

Kevin: Hey Buzz, mom wants us to gather the kids...

Buzz: Quite stain wad! I'm rolling. Sevin...

Buzz lands on free parking.

Buzz: (With excitement) That's how you do it baby!

Buzz reaches for the money in the middle of the board when Frank puts his hand on his to stop him.

Buzz: What do you think your doing?!

Frank: You know that the official rules state that free parking gets you nothing right?

Buzz: This is how everyone plays...house rules!

Kevin: Buzz come on!

Buzz: (To kevin) In a sec Kevin.

Frank: Right! The boards from my house ergo my house rules!

Buzz: No, no, no, no, no. This is my family's house we're playing our house rules.

Fuller walks back in the room.

Fuller: What'd i miss?

Frank: No! This is Kate's house we'll see what she has to say. (Hollering) Katie could you come in here please?

Buzz: What are you doing...don't be a moron!

Frank: Don't be a jerk.

Kevin picks up the board to get their attention.

Kevin: Enough! Your both being babies! I need the den for the kids! You can take this in the kitchen! Buzz come help me.

Frank gets aggravated at Kevin thinking he will mess up the game.

Frank: Hey! Be careful with that! I have a lot of property!

Kevin: What are you worried about Uncle Frank? You've been cheating all night!

Frank: That's not true you rat!

Buzz: I'm done anyway. It'll take all I have to pacify 14 bratty kids.

Frank: No! We're going to finish! I haven't lost our annual game yet. I'll wait.

Buzz: No! We can start again tomorrow. I'm too tied.

Fuller: Here set the board down a second. Buzz just take a picture of it.

Kevin sets the board down as Buzz gets his phone ready to take a picture.

Buzz: Good idea.

Buzz takes a picture with his phone.

Frank: Make sure you got all my houses in the shot.

Buzz: Yeah yeah I got it...

Kevin: Just clean this up then Fuller. Me and Buzz have to get the kids.

Frank: What about the money?

Buzz: ...Keep it in your wallet.

Frank puts the money in his wallet along with his property cards.

Kevin: (To Buzz) You take downstairs and I'll go up.

Buzz: Fine.

Kevin leaves the room as Buzz thinks about how to get his share of the kids in the den.

Buzz: (Yelling) Jennifer! Spike! Molly! Get your butts in here right now!

Kevin begins to walk upstairs to find any children he can. Along the way he passes one of his nephews; Cody, who is running down the stairs. Kevin grabs his arm.

Kevin: Cody! Go in the den were gonna watch a movie!

Cody: ok uncle K!

Cody runs off just as excited as he was before. Kevin then makes it to the top of the staircase where he sees his sister Linnie walking by with a basket of laundry.

Kevin: Have you seen Calvin or Macy up here?

Linnie: I'm not your kid's babysitter, but i think they're playing hide and seek with about 6 others.

Kevin: (irritated) Great! If you see any kids tell them to go to the den. Mom wants them to watch a movie before she snaps into a primitive rage!

Linnie: Will do...

Linnie walks away as Kevin walks down the hall. In the bathroom, Kevin's brother Jeff is having a conversation with his seven year old son Peter while the latter is portending to shave.

Peter: Is Tokyo like disney world dad?

Jeff: Kind of...they have lots of really cool cartoons there, but over there, they're called anime. And you know that i pod you annoy me with?

Peter: Yeah!?

Jeff: Thats where those come from.

Peter: Neat!

Just then Kevin walks in and interrupts.

Kevin: Hey mom wants the kids down in the den to watch a movie. How about it Peter? It's gonna be really cool!

Jeff: Fine with me. (To Peter) Wanna go?

Peter: Yeah!

Peter is so excited he begins to run out with shaving cream on his face.

Jeff: Hey clean your face first!

Jeff starts to hand a towel to Peter but he wipes his face with his shirt and runs off.

Kevin: You see my kids around here?

Jeff: Try the laundry room. I think Calvin ran in there.

Kevin: Thanks i'll do that.

Kevin walks inside the upstairs laundry room that was previously a spare bedroom.

Kevin: Hello?

Inside, a thumping sound is coming

from the dryer.

Kevin: Calvin? ...I wonder who could be in here...

Kevin walks up to the dryer and opens the door. To his amusement but not- so- much shock is his 8 year old son hiding inside holding a shoe.

Calvin: Dad! Your messing up my hiding spot!

Kevin: What are doing with the shoe?

Calvin: I was simulating the sound of laundry so the others wouldn't think i was in here.

Kevin: Cleaver...do you think you could come downstairs and watch some tv a bit. We want to give grandma some quiet time.

Calvin: Sure Dad...

Calvin began to walk towards the door then turned around to speak again.

Calvin: Dad...will we see Mom for Christmas?

Kevin: Not Christmas day, but the day after. Remember?

Calvin: I know...I just have more fun when we're all together.

Kevin: I know buddy...just lately me and your mom haven't been having much fun. But i promise you and me are gonna have a super fun time right?!

Calvin: It's looking hopeful. At least getting double the presents is a good way to keep my mind off of life's troubles.

Kevin reaches for Calvin for a hug.

Kevin: Come here...(While hugging) I love you...you know that?

Calvin: I always had my suspicions...i love you too dad.

In the kitchen, Kate is alone trying not to cry as the holiday stress is getting to her. Just then, Macy; Kevin's five year old daughter comes in to see what is going on.

Macy: (Jumping into Kate's lap)

Grandma what are you doing?

Kate: (Wiping away her tears) Hi baby! Grandma was just having some quiet time.

Macy: Are you crying grandma?

Kate: ...Yeah...I little. I miss your Grandpa. He loved this time of year and he loved seeing your faces lite up at christmas.

Macy: Is Grandpa in Heaven with Jesus?

Kate: Yeah baby...I think so...

Macy hands Kate a christmas cookie she had in her hand.

Macy: Don't be sad. Have a cookie. It's really good!

Kate: Awww thanks! I think i will have juone one!

In the den Frank is getting ready to show the kids a movie.

Frank: Alright, alright settle down. Uncle Franks got a great movie for you all.

Teddy, the son of Frank's daughter, Sandra, raises his hand to Frank.

Teddy: Are we watching a christmas movie?

Frank: ...It has angels in it!

Teddy begins fidgeting in his seat as his father, Don, tries to keep him still.

Don: Sit still son, we're about to watch a movie.

Teddy: My sweater itches! It feels like there's fleas in it.

Don: That sweater cost 45.50! I don't care if the whole thing was made from poison oak, your wearing it! Now be still. Look! Here comes mom with a snack.

Sandra comes up to teddy with a cherry jello cup for him to eat.

Sandra: Sorry son. No more orange. This is the closest thing.

Teddy: Oh...

Frank interrupts the crowd with the video in hand.

Frank: Alright kids...get ready to watch classic cinema with some of the top picture and sound money can buy (To himself) I know cause i had to pay for it...(to the crowd)...ok here it goes...

Frank turns on the movie which is revealed to be called "Angels with the filthiest souls"

Sandra is concerned about the movie they are watching and tries to appeal to Frank.

Sandra: You know you never would have let us watch this stuff when we were kids. The shooting scenes scared us...remember

Frank: Ah they'll be fine. Kids today are more resilient.

Sandra: I hope your right...

Sandra walks off.

Frank: (To himself) It's not like they show their guts getting blown out!

The pizza car comes down the road at a high and reckless rate of speed and pulls into the Mcallister's driveway in the exact spot where a family statue once sat. In the car, are two employees; Anthony, a manager who had delivered to the Mcallister's before, and Dale, a new trainee. Anthony stops Dale to have a word with him.

Anthony: Hold on a second...I know you thought I came out here to train you, but that's not the only reason.

Dale: Is everything ok sir?

Anthony: Alright...i'm gonna tell you a secret that only a couple of people know...when i started here as a delivery boy, i use to come to this house quite often. Everything seemed fine until one night i came here and just as i knocked on the door, a cranky old geezer told me to just leave the pizza on the doorstep.

Dale: What?!

Anthony: ...Yeah, but that was just the beginning! Then he pays me through the dog door, not even opening the door...And THEN, before i can even turn around he threatens to shoot me if i don't leave immediately!

Dale looks at him in shock and takes a hit of an inhaler.

Anthony: He started counting...when all of a sudden he fired a machine gun! I never ran so fast in my life!

Dale: Oh my gosh dude!

Anthony: I never came back but i swore one day i would...and prove that a killer lives here.

Dale: Thats unreal dude!

Anthony: I know...That's why I came tonight. I want you to keep your eyes open and be alert.

Dale: I intend to!

Anthony: Alright...let's go.

Dale: (While walking towards the door) Wait! Didn't you even tell the cops!

Anthony: For the first week I was too afraid to...finally I did, but the one I told just laughed and said it sounded like something from a gangster movie...He said he would follow it up...I never heard anymore about it.

Inside the mcallaster home, the doorbell rings.

Macy opens the door and sees the two pizza guys standing their with many boxes of pizza.

Anthony: Hey there!

Macy: Are you the pizza guy?

Anthony: Uh-huh that's right. Are you parents home?

Macy: I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. Hold on please.

Macy slams the door shut and turns around to call her dad.

Macy: (Yelling) Dad! Pizza guys here!

Just then Franks wife, Leslie walks in the room.

Leslie: Oh no darling. We're getting pizza. You can open the door dear.

Macy: Ok!

Macy opens the door to find the pizza guys still standing there.

Leslie: Hi guys. Let me grab some money. I'll be right back. Come on in and warm up.

Anthony and Dale walk in and get warm. Meanwhile Leslie goes into the den to ask Frank for some money.

Leslie: Frank, I need some money for the pizza.

Frank: I don't have any cash on me Leslie. Ask Kate. Tell her I'll chip in when we get to an atm.

Leslie: Frank! You said last year we would pick up the tab since they got it last time.

Frank: Alright! Alright! (Frank grabs his debit card then puts it back) that ones expired...(Frank grabs a different one) Here, this one's ok.

Leslie: Thanks dear.

Frank: Yeah (as Leslie walks away)

Most people at your age would start to have memory problems, but no! You mind is clear as a bell!

Leslie goes over to the pizza guys with the debit card in hand.

Leslie: (To Anthony) You can take a debit card right?

Anthony: Yes ma'am.

Anthony prepares his handheld debit reader, while in the den, the kids stare at the tv in shock as an unseen actor in the movie is heard saying 'You crossed the line cups. I'm gonna have to fill you with holes!' To which another unseen actor says 'No! Now wait a minute! Your making a mistake! I- I got the money to big Joe yesterday! Go ahead. Call Ginny, she'll vacuche for me."

Teddy watches on as well as he eats his cherry jello when he spills some on his clean white sweater.

As the kids continue to watch, and Uncle Frank starts to nod off, Teddy spills the rest of the jello on his shirt and smears it all over...in hopes that he'll have to take the itchy thing off. The film continues with the unseen actors.

Unseen man one(Jimmy): Well it looks like your in luck. She did back your story. I guess i could have been wrong. There's only problem...

Unseen man two(Cups): What Jimmy!? What?!

A gunshot is heard as the second unseen man named cups yells in pain.

Unseen man one(Jimmy): I've learned to never trust the word of a woman!

Frank wakes up abruptly as Calvin walks in past the tv.

Frank: (To Calvin) Hey hold up there little britches...do your uncle a favor and turn up the tv will ya...

Calvin: Maybe I could get five bucks for my hard work...sounds only fair!

Frank: Maybe it'll be fair if I told grandma Kate that your the one that keeps weaseling her christmas cookies away!

Calvin: Perhaps in the spirit of christmas I could do you a favor this time.

Frank: Make it loud too. (Pointing to his hearing aid) My hearing isn't so good.

Calvin turns up the TV to a very loud volume and can be heard clearly in the living room (though the current scene is quite)

Calvin: There you go uncle Frank.

Frank: Alright...go and do something quite will ya.

Calvin just nods and runs out of the room.

In the living room, the pizza boy is printing a receipt for Leslie.

Anthony: There you go ma'am. And thanks for ordering with little neros.

Leslie: Oh wait! I forgot to tip you!

Dale: Oh no ma'am that's alright!

Anthony: Absolutely! Merry Christmas!

Leslie: Absolutely not! You too have been so polite. I insist! Now just let me get my purse. I'll be two seconds.

Anthony: (With a smile and submissive nod) ok...

Leslie walks away as Dale leans into Anthony.

Dale: Sir they look ok to me.

Anthony: Just keep your eyes peeled...

In the den the movie is seen now which is a 1940s black and white gangster movie. A young man in a grey suit and hat (named eels) walks in and sees another man (Who was Jimmy from before) in a black tux.

Jimmy: So your the guy who placed the order for me...

Eels: That's right...In fact I think the two delivery boys just arrived.

In the living room, Anthony and Dale are clearly listening while waiting for Leslie to return.

Dale: Yo bro! They're talking about us!

Anthony: Quite!

In the den the movie continues.

Jimmy: Good! But I warn you. If any of the orders are messed up, I'm not gonna be a happy guy.

In the living-room...

Dale: Yo! We did check those pizzas before we left right?!

In the den the movie continues.

Eels: You can rest assure Jimmy. Everything's perfect...

Jimmy: Good to hear Eels...well i guess there's just one more thing to take care of.

Eels: Yeah...my share of the doe. Just give me my money and I'll be gone. You won't see me again.

In the living room...

Anthony: He must be paying for his share of the pizza.

In the den...

Jimmy: You are right about that. As far as your money there's been a change of plan...

Jimmy pulls out a tommy gun that was under his desk.

Eels: Come on Jimmy...you don't need that heater do ya?

In the living room...

Dale: Dude just pulled a gun! Let's go man!

Anthony: Shhh! Let's hear what happens.

In the den...

Jimmy: You recognize this? It's the same tommy gun your old man had!

Eels: You double crossing son of a-

Jimmy: (cocks his gun) Let's keep a clean tongue eels. After all, you gonna stand before your maker soon.

Eels: So your the rat fink that killed my pop.

Jimmy: He was weak. I did him a favor. He thanked me for it too. Then I pried this gun from his dead cold fingers.

Eels: You shot him in the back didn't you. Now your gonna do me in too.

The children watch with shock as the movie continues.

Jimmy: You catch on quick. I hate too, but you just know too much. And after I do you, I'm gonna have to take out the two delivery boys.

In the living room...

Dale: That's us man lets split!

Anthony: No! We have to see this thing through.

In the den...

Eels: Please...it's christmas...have a heart...You were like a son to my old man...we were like brothers! Please...I beg you.

Jimmy: Ah...call me soft but...I suppose I could let you live...if you sing a christmas carol with me.

In the living room, Anthony and Dale look confused. The movie continues...

Eels: ...Alright! Sure! Whatever you want Jimmy.

Jimmy: Great. I'll start and if you finish...(while shrugging) I'll let you live.

In the living room, Anthony and Dale look confused once again.

Dale: This guy is nuts!

In the den...

Jimmy: We wish you a merry Christmas!

We wish you a merry

Christmas!

We wish you a merry Christmas!

Jimmy points the tommy gun promoting eels to join in.

Eels: And...

Jimmy fires several shots while laughing before Eels can get another word in as the children start screaming in horror. Firing continues as Anthony and Dale start to panic but are frozen in horror. Then the kids run out crying to look for their parents with teddy in front wearing is red strained sweater.

Dale: (pointing at Teddy) They shot one! Lets run dude!

Leslie comes in with a tip in hand as Anthony and Dale are backing out the door.

Leslie: Don't go, I have your tip!

Anthony: (Yelling frantacly) YOU CAN KEEP THE TIP YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!

Anthony and Dale run as fast as they can and peel out in their car. Leslie stands there alone with a look of shock on her face.

In the den the movie is playing while Frank is asleep in the chair. Jimmy finally stops firing and laughing.

Jimmy: (singing) ...and a happy new year! (Laughing and firing starts again.)


	2. A fire next door

A while later, everyone is starting to settle down after many pizza boxes have been emptied and thrown about. Buzz goes up to Kevin with one more slice of cheese pizza.

Buzz: Yo Kevin. There's one more slice of cheese pizza. Wanna split it?

Kevin: Sure! Thanks Buzz!

Buzz takes all the cheese off the pizza and eats it and hands the cheese-less slice to Kevin.

Buzz: Here, go crazy! (Chuckles and walks off)

Kevin: Why don't you go floss your teeth with my boxing shorts!

Kate who is in the kitchen with Kevin, is eating a piece of pie.

Kate: You should know by now that if Buzz wants to be nice... he's up to something.

Kevin: I new that years before you mom! That's just how we say we love each other.

Kate: You ever think of trying to use words instead of pulling stunts all the time.

Kevin: Honestly I have given it some thought. It just seems to always come out differently than I picture it.

Kate: Kevin sit down a minute.

Kevin sits down at the table while Kate shares whats on her mind.

Kate: You know I love you.

Kevin: Sure mom. I love you too.

Kate: Kevin...ever since you were a little boy, you had trouble expressing your true feelings...unless they were feelings of anger...

Kevin: I was pretty bratty I suppose.

Kate: You know...When I was a kid our family told each other how we felt. That's just how people were. Granted not everyone, but we didn't hide behind computer screens and phone texting and what not, we told each other eye to eye. Face to face.

Kevin: It's just...times change mom ya know.

Kate: But the heart and soul of people haven't. Wasn't that a big reason why Ashley left. Lack of communication.

Kevin: She left because I had to make a living and I left her with the kids too much. I guess leaving your loved ones home alone runs in the family.

Kate: (Seemingly hurt) Kevin...

Kevin: (Feeling remorseful) I'm sorry...are you ok mom?

Kate: Yeah...I just wish you could come to Japan with us...

Kevin: I know...it's just Ashley left so recently and I want to really show the kids a great time you know...

Kate: I know honey...I'll miss you.

Kevin grabs her hand.

Kevin: Hey. Next year for sure. No excuses!

Kate: I'll look forward to it!

Just then, Calvin runs into the room very excited.

Calvin: Dad! The house next door is on fire!

Kevin: What!

Kate: Oh my gosh!

They run to the window to watch as everyone is gathered around while some are putting their coats on to walk outside. Across the street large home is surrounded by fire trucks and other emergency vehicles. There is smoke coming from the house but no flames are seen inside. Outside the homeowner and his family are waiting to hear from a fireman who is checking out the place. A few seconds later, the fireman comes out to talk to the owner.

Fireman: Well, we couldn't find any actual fire or damage. We're still trying to determine where all this smoke came from though so I'd sit tight for a few more minutes ok?

Owner: (Breathes a sigh of relief) Thank you so much. It's a complete mystery to me.

From a side door where no one is watching, comes a fireman with a full face mask on stepping outside. After looking to see that no one is watching, he makes his way down a darkened and somewhat hidden street not far away. He stops and reaches in his fireman suit and pulls out a pearl-bead necklace. Next to him is a shorter man peering through some binoculars. While continuing to gaze through them, the man speaks to the fireman.

Man: Well did you get outta there without being seen?

The fireman takes of his mask and reveles that he is none other than the sneaky yet dimwitted crook, Marv Merchants.

Marv: Everything went perfect! And your smoke machine worked like a charm. Your plans going just like you said Harry!

The man lowers his binoculars and is indeed revealed to be Marv's shorter yet more canny counterpart; Harry Lime.

Harry: I knew it would.

Marv: (While showing off the pearl necklace) Hey Harry, check out this beaut'!

Harry: I thought I said "No looting?" I'm trying to execute a well thought out plan here!

Marv: I know, I know! But hey! This will grab us a couple hundred bucks at least right?!

Harry: Alright, alright...we need all we can get...I swear we've been out of the slammer for three months and hadn't made one decent score. But that's gonna change really soon!

Marv: Hey Harry! I just figured out who we are.

Harry: (Looking back into the binoculars) Yeah who are we Marv?

Marv: We're the smokey bandits! Get it! We smoke 'em out and rob 'em blind.

Harry: Smokey bandits...I'm pretty sure I heard that somewhere before.

Marv: Have not!

Harry: (Getting excited) Hey Marv check out who it is! (As he hands over the binoculars) I knew are fire scam would draw attention.

Marv looks through the binoculars and sees Kevin at the window along with his family who are still looking at the fire trucks with concern.

Marv: Is that that same little stinkn' kid that banged us up so long ago.

Harry: Yeah...not to mention put us behind bars for twenty eight long years...(talking as if kevin were right there) yeah...you enjoy your last christmas on earth pal...we'll be seeing ya soon enough.

Marv: Lets go slit his throat right now Harry!

Harry: Patience...first we take his money... all of it...then it's open season on that kid...and we'll mount that ugly dogs head on our wall! Come on!

Harry leads Marv to an old broken down van.

Marv: So what's our plan? You haven't told me anything yet.

Harry: Here look at this.

Harry hands Marv some kind of tech magazine.

Harry: Turn it to page 32.

Marv skims the article and is surprised to see it's about Kevin.

Marv: Hey, ain't this talking about the same Kevin Mcallister we know?!

Harry: That's right! And he's listed as one of Chicago's top up and coming inventors. And do you know what invents for a living?

Marv: What?

Harry: High-tech, state-of-the-art, and novelty...home security systems.

Marv: Hey! You think...that's because of us! We must have inspired him! And we haven't seen even a nickel for appreciation! He owes us!

Harry: For me it's all revenge! And that little twerp is sure gonna pay! (While starting up the van) In just a couple short days we'll have no worries and we'll be eating high on the hog!

Marv: I can't eat pork! I'm Jewish!

Harry: It's an expression you knucklehead.

Marv: I knew that!

Harry: (As they drive off) You know you got a brain the size of a flea egg Marv?!

Marv: Do not!

Harry: You do too...

The two drive off as they continue to argue indistinctly.


	3. Leaving for Japan

The next day the family wakes up to the sound of the alarm clock and gets ready to leave. A convoy of shuttle buses wait outside as the mcallister clan and family all prepare to load up. As everyone is carrying luggage to the buses, Frank is telling his grand nephew cody, about the fish in Tokyo.

Frank: I'm telling you, kido, they got fish like you've never heard of where we're going.

Cody: Can you fish good uncle Frank.

Frank: You're pulling my right! I'm one of the top experts.

Frank lunges his travel bag to Fuller.

Frank: Here hold this why I educate jr here.

Frank gets out his wallet and shows cody some fish he has caught.

Frank: Look at that monster. Caught that at lake eerie. Hu!?

Cody: Wow!

As Frank is showing Cody some pictures, Kevin comes out to see Kate who is standing right next to Frank and loading some bags on the bus.

Kevin: (Taking a bag from Kate) Hold it mom I got that.

Kate: Oh thanks honey.

Kevin: No problem.

Kevin gets out his wallet and grabs some papers out of it and hands them to Kate.

Kate: What are these?!

Kevin: Tickets...for Joylopoles...its the number one indoor theme park in Japan. I got enough for everyone.

Kate: You didn't have to do that!

Kevin: Yeah i did...merry christmas!

Kate hugs Kevin tightly.

Kate: Merry Christmas Kevin...

Just then, Buzz and his wife Maxine, and there three kids come from behind all scattered and jumbled with bags in their hands and one in Buzz's teeth. The kids, being wild and reckless cause Buzz to push hard into Frank and Kevin who are next to each other and both Frank and Kevin drop their wallets that both look identical.

Frank: Hey! Watch it!

Kevin: Buzz!

Maxine: Buzz! Watch where you're going!

Buzz: (with a bag in his teeth causing a muffled sound) I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Jeff: Good one.

Buzz: (spitting out his bag strap) Suddup Jeff!

Frank and Kevin pick up their wallets or so it seems and put them away without checking to make sure.

Maxine: Quit goofing off and load up!

Buzz: It's their fault not mine!

Then Buzz turns to talk to Kevin.

Buzz: Hey Kev? You gonna be ok? You got everything you need for your new place?

Kevin: Yeah...I haven't unpacked much yet so we'll have plenty to keep us busy. And I want to thank you for selling your house to me. It means a lot.

Buzz: Hey you needed a place, and me and Maxine decided to move back to the city. So it worked out! Right?!

Kevin: Yeah...I guess it did.

Kevin offers his hand and the two give a brotherly handshake and hug.

Buzz: See you around Kev.

Maxine: Come on Buzz...now!

Buzz and Maxine argue indistinctly as Kate tells Kevin goodbye.

Kate: Now I'm gonna call when I get there so be by your phone every minute!

Kevin: I will...I promise...alright...I love you.

Everyone says their final goodbyes to Kevin as they drive off and leave Kevin and his kids, who are still asleep, alone.

In the house, in one of the guest rooms, are Calvin and Macy asleep in their bunkbed. Kevin comes in the room and wakes them.

Kevin: Come one guys...time to go...


	4. Kevin's new home

The song "sleigh ride" by the Ronettes is heard as Kevin drives down the road through the country outside of Chicago. Kevin is mouthing along, Macy is amusing herself in the backseat with a wacky sound effects toy, and Calvin is in the front while tapping the window with a board look on his face. The top of the car is seen driving from a bird's eye view as the three can be heard talking.

Macy: Dad I have to go to the bathroom!

Kevin: Hold it in...we'll be there soon. Calvin! Put that cigarette lighter back in!

Behind them a ways, is the same van Harry and Marv were in.

A bit later Kevin drives down a very secluded dead end road near a wood reserve park and small community called Misty Lake where their home is near the large beautiful lake itself. A few moments later, Harry and Marv drive by but don't turn down the street.

Marv: Where you going? They went down there!

Harry: Don't worry...we got 'em. It's a dead end street. I don't wanna risk being spotted. It'll be dark soon. We'll simply come back and find their car.

Marv: What if it's in a garage?

Harry: (Pointing at the back of the van.) Take a look under the blanket.

Marv pulls back a blanket and underneath there is a high-tech listing device that looks like a gun with a satellite dish.

Marv: What's that? A space gun?

Harry: It's a sound detector. I can hear up to 1000 feet away with this baby. Either way we got 'em.

Marv: Must have cost a pretty penny.

Harry: Not for me it didn't...Let's go.

Moments later Kevin pulls into the driveway of a large cabin style lake home right next to the boat docks. As the car comes to stop at the back side of the house near the back door, it knocks down a metal statue that use to sit in the driveway of his parents home.

Macy: Ut-oh

Calvin: You did it again didn't you dad?!

Kevin: (As he gets out and picks up the statue) Eh...He's tough guy. He can take it. Alright guys let's get inside. We have a lot of unpacking to do.

Inside, the house is decorated in a mix of contemporary with an old fashioned outdoors look. On the wall is a bearskin rug next to a beartrap, and an old chandelier made of buck antlers near a set of stairs that lead to a second floor. Kevin and the kids take a look around and see boxes of stuff everywhere, as well as some furniture that needs rearranging.

Calvin: We should have paid someone to do this dad.

Kevin: If everyone wasn't so busy this time of year, I might have...looks like it's just us!

Calvin: I don't know why we couldn't just stay with Mom at the old house. This sucks. I wanna go back.

Macy: I miss it too. Me and Calvin fight a lot and we stay together!

Kevin: Wish it worked that way kids...

Macy: Daddy...do you love mommy still?

Kevin: Your mom is a wonderful person and I will always love her, but at this time we have to stay in different places because we fight sometimes, and I want you to know that the reason we fight has nothing to do with you (looking at Macy) or you (looking at Calvin. Ok?

Calvin and Macy: Ok...

Kevin: So come on. What do you say. What to get this house looking good? We'll decorate as we go and the faster we do it, the faster Santa can get her cause he doesn't like a messy house. Ok?

Macy and Calvin giggle.

Macy: Let's do it!

Kevin: Let's do it! ( As he tickles the kids)

Everyone: Let's do it!

As the three unpack, move furniture, and decorate for christmas, the song "Rocking till christmas eve night" (by 80s Dave) is heard. They seem to move at double speed as the lyrics to the bright 50s inspired song are heard.

"It's time to start rocking till Christmas Eve night.

It's time to countdown St. Nick's flight.

Soon the malls will fill with shopping brawls

but the dolls you win will make it right.

Journey to Park Avenue

We'll hear cheer on every corner even vagabonds who've got nothing at all come get soup and a little bit warmer

That's why christmas time

Is the greatest time

A joy felt fit for a king

Peace on Earth can't be said enough

And if you don't have words just sing

Through the snowing and blowing we'll be go go going

So be warm and don't let the frostbite

We'll be burning with bells on all across the globe

Yeah we'll be rocking til Christmas Eve night

we'll be rocking til Christmas Eve night

we'll be rocking til Christmas Eve

ni-ght!"


	5. Fun and scary stoires

Later the three are relaxing in a hot tub while drinking hot chocolate with a mountain of cream and an overflow of marshmallows! In the background is the tv playing "It's a wonderful life." The show is interrupted with a bulletin about a lost boy in the forest. Then the movie continues.

Macy: Did the little boy get lost daddy?

Kevin: Looks like it baby.

Macy: Will he freeze and die?

Kevin: I'm sure someone will find him. Don't worry.

Calvin: He's probably gonna be bear food. Just saying...

Kevin: Calvin! That's not a nice thing to say!

Calvin: I'm just being truthful. I saw the same thing happened on this show I was watching about true horror tales on youtube. A bear mauled this man and slurped his guts out like spaghetti.

Kevin: O.K.?! Well even so, you need to be a bit more sensitive. If that was you out there you'd be afraid.

Calvin: I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. I'm not a baby.

Kevin: Maybe you'd be afraid is you're alone with Axman Sam.

Calvin: That's not real.

Macy: Who's Axman Sam?

Kevin: I'll tell you...and yes...he's real. About ten years ago when I first came up here...there was a cold blooded killer named Sam that always carried a big ax. Everyone in town knew there was something wrong with him...but it wasn't until the disappearances of children that they knew what a monster he truly was. They never found the bodies, but whenever Axman Sam was seen, he was seen with his ax...stained red.

Calvin and Macy look increasingly worried.

Macy: Did he go jail?

Kevin: They never could prove he killed those kids...but legend says that he stuffed their bodies in an old oak tree, and now to this day if you chop it...it oozes... thick... red... blood!

Calvin: Blood...?

Calvin and Macy now look intensely afraid.

Kevin: GOT YA! There is no Axman Sam...I made it up so you two don't wander off alone someday...

Macy: Are you sure dad?

Kevin: Yes baby. Daddy was just playing a joke.

Calvin: That wasn't funny.

Macy starts laughing. Then Calvin and Kevin join in laughing.

Macy: Are you having fun daddy!?

Kevin: The best fun! And tomorrow we're going to the christmas fair in town. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Macy: Yes!

Calvin: That sounds like it could be interesting.

Kevin: I'm pretty sure you love it.

You know when uncle Buzz lived here, I came here for a couple christmas' and it wall a ball...In fact I just remembered something. What time is it?

Kevin reaches in the water and pulls out a waterproof clock. It's just about seven-thirty.

Kevin: Ok we have some time. Come on, lets get dry and dressed. I want to show you something.

Calvin: What dad?

Kevin: It's a surprise, but you have to hurry up.

A few minutes later, Kevin is walking the kids down to the boat dock wear they own a speed boat.

Kevin: Alright come on. Put a life jacket on.

The kids put on a life jacket on while Macy opens up a small door on the boat. Inside is a football helmet. She puts it on.

Kevin: Where did you get the helmet baby?

Macy: Uncle Buzz gave it to me when mom took us to visit last summer.

Calvin: It was that weekend you had to stay and work.

Kevin: Right...ok.

Macy: It's so I don't hit my head on a rock and drown.

Kevin: Very smart! Well, if your all seated and ready we'll go!

Kevin drives the boat to the middle of the dark lake and stops.

Calvin: Is this it? Doesn't look so great.

Kevin: Hold on son. You'll see...right about...now.

Just then, the entire side of the lake lights up with a fabulous christmas display. As the melody of "Somewhere in my memory" plays.

Calvin and Macy: Oh wow! Pretty!

Kevin: The park over there lights these every year. I just remembered and now I want to share it with you guys.

Calvin: It's great dad!

Macy: Thanks daddy!

All of a sudden it starts snowing adding to the enchanting ambiance.

Macy: Look snow!

Kevin: Wow! Pretty cool guys!

Calvin: Awsome!

"Somewhere in my memory" flares up as the three watch the snow and beautiful light display.

A while later, Kevin is tucking in Calvin in his bed.

Kevin: Alright bud. Macy's asleep. You ready for sleep?

Calvin: I guess...love you dad.

Kevin: Me too...Goodnight kido.

Outside a ways, on the dark secluded street, Harry and Marv are parked listening to the goings on inside Kevin's home with the aid of Harry's stolen listening device.

Harry: (Taking off his head set) They just went to bed.

Marv: So now's our chance right? We crank out the smoke maker and when they come out coughing a lung, we give ol' Kevin a crowbar across the head, and make off with the kiddies.

Harry: Na...you remember what he did to us when he was only a kid. Now he's grown...I don't wanna go anywhere near that creep. He's bad luck. But we'll get our chance.

Marv: When then?

Harry: I overheard 'em say they were going to some Christmas fair. Dear old daddy can't watch 'em both 24-7, so all we gotta do is wait till one of 'em's alone and nab 'em. Then it's silver tuna from then on!

Marv: Yeah!...you know...maybe if we talk nice to 'em, we won't have to grab them. They'll just come to us!

Harry: ...Marv...I think ya just gave me an idea...yeah...it's a Christmas fair...I think I got an idea...We'll have to pawn the smoker though.

Harry starts up the van and begins to drive off.

Marv: I like that smoker!

Harry: We don't need the smoker.

Marv: We're the smokey bandits! You can't sell that thing.

Harry: Can too. And would you quite with the smokey bandits thing. There ain't no smokey bandits!

Marv: That's our new calling card Harry. All the greats have one!

Harry: Has anyone ever said your sick Marv!?

Marv: I'm not sick! Who says I'm sick?

Harry: I'm saying it. Your sick Marv. Really sick.

Marv: I'm not sick...how am I sick?

The two drive off while arguing.


	6. Leaving the kids alone

Outside of the house late that night, all is quiet and peaceful until the sound of running is heard. Then the sound of throwing up followed by more throwing up. Finally Macy cries out.

Macy: (Sickly) Daddy!

A light turns on and more running is heard. Then Kevin is heard.

Kevin: Macy?! You ok honey?

Inside a small jack and jill bathroom that sits between the kid's bedrooms, Kevin checks a very sick Macy.

Kevin: Your burning up baby...

Macy: I feel pucky daddy.

Kevin: It's ok...you're gonna be fine...here let's flush this toilet.

Macy: It won't flush daddy.

Kevin: Wonderful...ok, no problem.

Macy: I feel itchy daddy.

Kevin looks at Macy's arm and sees she has red spots on her.

Kevin: Great...chicken pox on christmas eve...perfect.

Macy: Is chicken pox bad?

Kevin: It's pretty bad baby. You need to rest and drink lots of water. I'll see if I have some cream for your spots there.

Macy: Daddy I feel sick again.

Kevin: Are you gonna throw up?

Macy: No...the other way...

Kevin:...Oh! Ok! We'll go ahead and go...I'll be right back.

The next mourning Macy is still in bed, struggling to rest and trying not to scratch her spots. Meanwhile, Kevin is fixing some orange juice and tuna with toast for Macy when Calvin comes in the room in his pajamas.

Calvin: Hey dad...is breakfast ready?

Kevin: I'm making Macy something special. She has chicken pox. You'll have to make cereal today.

Calvin: Macy has chicken pox! Gross! I remember having them. I scratched my soars till puss came out.

Kevin: So I remember...

Calvin: You need any help?

Kevin: I'll need help unpacking right after you finish. Just go ahead and eat while I doctor Macy up ok?

Calvin: Sure dad. I think i'll just eat slowly.

Kevin shortly goes to Macy's room with the food in an attempt to make her better.

Kevin: Hey baby...how are you feeling?

Macy: Some better I think but really itchy...

Kevin: Here...(handing her the tray of food) try to eat.

Macy: Thank you daddy...

Kevin feels her forehead for a second.

Kevin: Well it looks like your fever's mostly gone...and your hungry so that's good. Still...I don't think we can go to the Christmas fair.

Macy: No! I wanna go!

Kevin: You're still contagious baby.

Macy: I don't care! I'll get better!

Kevin: I'm sorry...believe me...but we're still gonna have the best christmas ever together. I promise.

Macy: It's not fair! First I don't get mom for christmas, then I get sick. Now i have to miss the fair. Why do you hate me!

Kevin: Macy! I love you! It just...

Macy: If you love me you'd fix everything! You can have christmas without me! I don't wanna have it anyways!

Macy turns away from Kevin and cries loudly.

Kevin: Macy...

Macy: Just leave me alone...

Kevin nods as to reluctantly comply and leaves the room. As he passes Calvin, Calvin expresses his concern.

Calvin: Hey dad! Why is Macy yelling?

Kevin: She's just upset that she has to miss the fair...come one. I could use some help.

A few minutes later, Kevin and Calvin are going through some boxes to unpack. It seems to be some of Kevin's belongings.

Kevin: Alright, lets see what we have.

Kevin pulls out what looks to be a smoke detector.

Calvin: Is that a smoke detector?

Kevin: It's a smoking smoke detector. If a robber comes in the house and walks under it, it starts blowing out fog and an alarm goes off. No one wants to rob a burning house right?

Calvin: That's funny!

Kevin: Check this out...

Kevin pulls out what looks like a security camera with a machine gun attached.

Now this will scare away your most hardened criminal!

Calvin: Whoa!

Kevin: Now if your robber beats the odds, there is this...

Kevin pulls out some type of small electronic box with some kind of orb or crystal inside, and a camera attached.

Kevin: The absolute best in anti-theft technology. A laser field surrounds an intruder while a prerecorded message informs them that the police are on the way.

Calvin: Oh that's cool!

Kevin: Yeah! And the best part is they all run on a chargeable battery so anyone can install them!

Calvin: That's a good selling point dad.

Calvin digs inside the box and sees one of Kevin's favorite toys, his old silver colored talkboy.

Calvin: I guess this is an old fashioned tape recorded?

Kevin: Wow! I haven't seen this in quite a while! It's a toy. See this button?

Kevin points to the voice changing button.

Kevin: You could change whatever you recorded and make yourself sound like a grown up...who was really drunk. Here...why don't you hold on to it a while.

Calvin: You know there are probably apps on a phone that can do that. Just incase you get me one.

Kevin: I will...as soon as your ten.

Calvin: Oh man! (As he takes out a few more random items and sets them aside) Well that's it...wait, there's a little box inside.

Calvin opens it and inside is a white dove ornament.

Calvin: It's a bird.

Kevin: Oh wow! I almost forgot about this. There's another just like it I had when i was about your age. I got it the year my family and I got seperated for Christmas.

Calvin: The first time.

Kevin: No the second. When I went to New York. I gave this to a nice lady in the park who liked to feed birds a lot. She wrote a few years later telling me about how she got married and had a new family and how after all these years she still had her dove too. So that was pretty cool...here...

Kevin goes to put the ornament on the tree.

Kevin: I think this would look better on the tree...there! Now it's done!

Calvin: Yep! Now we'll just have to wait for you and Santa, that is the real Santa, to bring us our presents. Of course I'm pretty sure I'm getting that l.e.d curved flat screen for my room I wanted, AND I KNOW, Macy is getting her "My daughter" doll...

A look of dumbstruck comes over Kevin's face as Calvin mentions the doll.

Calvin: I do wonder how Santa gets a toy like that if the stores are sold out. Does he have an official license to make them or does he just make a knock off brand?

Calvin can see something is bothering is dad so he asks.

Clavin: Dad? You O.k.?

Kevin: Ohhhh! I'm so stupid! I was in such a hurry running around between work and the toy stores, that I forgot to bring Macy's doll home! Shoot! She's been bugging me for months for that thing!

Calvin: Oh no! What are going do dad?

Kevin: I don't know...I need to think...

Kevin goes alone to his room and sits on his bed to think. He soon has a flashback to last Christmas when he was just getting stable in his job as a home security device designer...In the flashback he remembers calling his wife Ashley on Christmas eve.

Ashley: (Picking up a ringing phone) Kevin? Where are you? I thought you'd be home two hours ago.

Kevin: I'm sorry...The meetings started late but don't worry...the money we get from this deal will be more than worth it.

Ashley: That's good for us but the kids don't understand money. They just want you.

Kevin: I know...and I'll be there...I promise. There's just one thing...

Ashley: Kevin...Now you said you would be home for christmas...

Kevin: I am...I just have one very short meeting...It'll be after presents and everything.

Ashley: You said the whole day! What should I tell the kids?

Kevin: I'll tell them...don't worry i'll be home in plenty of time and make up for it. Ok! Love you gotta go!

Kevin's memory fades and the memory echos in his head from moments ago when Macy was mad.

Macy: It's not fair! First I don't get mom for christmas, then I get sick. Now i have to miss the fair. Why do you hate me!...If you love me you'd fix everything!

Kevin snaps back into reality and realizes what he has to do.

Kevin: I lost my wife...I'm not gonna lose my kids!

Moments later Kevin is in the room where Macy and Calvin are seated on the bed.

Kevin: Clavin, Macy. Something big has come up and I have to run an errand. It's very important.

Calvin: Your leaving us alone in the house?

Kevin: Yes...We don't know anyone to ask, I can't take Macy being sick, and I can't leave her alone. I'll be back in three hours . (Looking at Calvin) You're in charge. You stay at Macy's side and neither of you are to leave or let anyone in. Until I get back, Macy and this house are yours to keep safe.

Kevin gets out a cell phone and hands it to Calvin.

Kevin: This is my spare cell phone. Do you know how to use it?

Calvin: Hey! I live for electronics. I'm not a dork!

Kevin: It's only for emergencies.

Calvin: Got it!

Macy: Where are you going?

Kevin: Chicago. I have to get something...ok? I won't be long. Calvin...Stay here and watch Macy.

Calvin: I won't let you down dad.

Kevin: Alright...see you kids soon...I love you guys...

Just after 9 am, Kevin leaves the house, while knocking over his family's statue as he backs up. He drives off unconcerned about picking it up.


	7. Party time for the kids!

Inside Macy and Calvin are wondering what to do now that they are home alone. They sit together and think as memories come back to them of their parents telling them what they can't do.

Kevin: Guys, stop jumping on the bed!

Ashley: You can have dessert after dinner!

Kevin: Slow down son! This isn't a horse track!

Ashley: Macy! No honey! Paint the paper not the wall!

Kevin: Biking down the stairs?...not a good idea!

Calvin and Macy snap back to reality as they realize that they can be the boss now.

Calvin: You know...I think it's time we throw a party!

Macy: ...Yeah!

A high energy rock-jazz instrumental plays as the kids run around the house going crazy on all kinds of snacks and deserts, while jumping on their beds, doing indoor bike stunts, having extreme nerf gun and water gun fights, and being just all around rambunctious, all while screaming at the top of their lungs!

Finally the two kids are laying down on the carpet close to being passed out.

Macy: Hey Calvin? You tired yet?

Calvin:l just need a quick power nap...you?

Macy: I think I'm passing out for a while...

Calvin: Yeah...I think five minutes will be just fine...I wish we could have time alone more often...it's a good to get it all out of your system...

Macy:...(snoring)

It's about 10 am as the two sleep awhile on the carpeted floor.

Meanwhile, the home alone main theme is heard while across the state of Illinois, an unpredicted blizzard blows in and is quickly blanketing the area of Chicago as well as the Misty Lake area. Ice forms on a tree branch near the house causing the branch to lean close to the wires. In Chicago, Kevin sees the snow falling hard as he nears his office where Macy's doll is at.

Kevin: I didn't think they were calling for snow...

Kevin pulls into his work building and moments later grabs the doll from his office.

At about 11 am, Macy wakes up and finds Calvin watching "A charlie brown christmas."

Clavin: Hey. You wanna watch the Grinch after this with me?

Macy: Sure!

Just then, the kids get a call on the landline phone from Grandma Kate.

Calvin: Hello?

Kate: Calvin?

Calvin: Hey Grandma Kate! What's shaking in Japan?

Kate: Hey baby!

Macy gets excited and runs for the phone.

Macy: Grandma!

Kate: Macy! How's my grandbabies?!

Macy: Good! We've been tearing up the joint!

Kate: (Laughing) Oh...ok! We'll It's the middle of the night here and I couldn't sleep, but I knew it's day there so I thought I'd call...Is your dad there...

Macy: No! ... Well...

Calvin grabs the phone and covers the receiver.

Calvin: We can't tell her the truth...don't worry I had something planned just incase.

Calvin gets back on the phone.

Calvin: Ah hold on. He's in the bathroom.

Calvin grabs the talkboy and holds it to the phone and presses play. The tape play a recording of Calvin but slowed down to sound like a deep voiced man.

Deep voiced Calvin on talkboy: Hello?

Kate: Kevin, honey, it that you?

Kevin: Sure is.

Macy and Calvin try not to snicker.

Kate: Are you ok? You sound awful.

Deep voice Calvin on talkboy: I'm ok. Just going to the bathroom. I think I something bad. It'll be just a few minutes. Can I call back later?

Kate: Ah...Sure that's fine.

Deep voice on talkboy: Fantastic...catch ya later!

Kate: Bye...

Calvin: Bye grandma!

Calvin slams down the phone and the two kids start bursting out with laughter.

A few minutes later, Kevin is in his car and now has Macy's doll. Traffic seems to be piled up as the snow is coming down really hard and covering roads.

Kevin: (Frustrated) Come on! This can't be happening!

Moments later Macy and Calvin are listening to "the grinch" as Calvin is melting a candle in a pot. After it cools a minute, Calvin comes in the room where Macy is.

Calvin: I have your wax ready...you sure about this?

Macy: Yep. Mommy does it all the time.

Calvin: But you need hair!

Macy: I know, but I thought maybe I could rip these chicken spots off me! Then I won't be itchy! See!?

Calvin: Ok!

Calvin pours the wax on her arm as it seems to be stinging her a little bit. Then she puts on the sticky bandage.

Macy: Ok...Here goes! 1...2...3!

She rips it off and out a horrific scream!


	8. The christmas fair

Cars are honking in every direction as Kevin yells out his window at an officer as he slowly drives down the road.

Kevin: Hey there! Are they closing the roads?

Officer: Looks like it. This storm just came from nowhere. I'd be getting where you're going quick if I were you.

Kevin: Alright...thanks. (To himself) Perfect!

Kevin grabs his cell phone and calls home. Calvin answers on the home phone.

Calvin: Hello. Macallaster residents.

Kevin: Calvin...you all ok?

Calvin: Sure dad. When you getting home.

Kevin: Well I'm not sure. Roads are closing because of this freak blizzard we got and I can't go too far. I'm gonna have to wait till they plow some. Just stay there ok? I'll be home as soon as I can.

Calvin: When do you think that'll be?

Kevin: To be honest...It's pretty bad. It may be tonight...I'm sorry. I'll call you later. Love you.

Calvin: ...Love you.

The two hang up the phone as Macy, who is looking across the lake, asks what is going on.

Macy: Is dad coming home?

Calvin: Not for a while. The snows closing the roads for now.

Macy: Well I can't stand being here cooped up! I wanna go to the fair!

Calvin: Dad says your sick...

Macy: I'm itchy! I'm not sick! I wanna go! It's just across the lake! I can see it! We can take dad's boat!

Calvin: We don't have any money.

Macy: We do if we open christmas cards.

Calvin: (Thinking it over) Yeah! Let's do it!

Calvin reaches for the unopened cards on the fireplace.

Calvin: This one's from Uncle Frank.

Macy: Open it!

Calvin: Ok!

Calvin tears it open and sees a note inside the card.

Macy: What's it say? What's it say?

Calvin: "Dearest Calvin and Macy! Merry Christmas! You'll be thrilled to know that I have amended my will to include an additional 50 dollars for each of you at the unfortunate time of my passing"...What a cheap wad!

Calvin wads the paper and tosses it.

Macy: Let me try one...

Macy opens one from Grandma Kate. Inside is 200 dollars in cash!

Macy: Two-hundred bucks! Now this is a Christmas card!

Calvin: Yes!

Macy: Now let's get to that fair!

Calvin and Macy board on the boat, put on their life jackets, and Macy her helmet and Calvin starts up the boat. They boat across the lake and tie the boat to a small dock. Then they climb a small hill to access the park where many people are gathered to celebrate christmas. As the kids behold all the christmas wonders, "Have a holly jolly christmas" by Burl Ives begins to play.

The song continues as Macy and Calvin play christmas games, eat and drink all kinds christmas goodies including pizza, hot coco, cookies, and shaved ice cream. They see many people in christmas costumes including elves, reindeer, a snow queen, snow angels, jack frost, and of course several santas. The two watch as people do ice carvings, ax throwing, and horseshoes. As the song fads, A man in a big head full reindeer costume is walking with a hot chocolate in each hand toward a simple chair and table set up where Harry is dressed like Santa. Behind him is the van with the sliding door open and christmas music is being played. Marv, the reindeer, hands Harry the coco and takes his plush reindeer head off.

Marv: Handing Harry his coco) Here, I swiped some coco for us!

Harry: You wanna put your moose head back on Marv?! There's kids watching!

Marv: Right! Sorry!

Harry: We gotta keep up the illusion. Besides we don't wanna be recognized.

Marv: I don't get it Harry. We've been here all day and haven't seen those brats anywhere.

Harry: They'll turn up...quick! Here comes a kid. Get in character!

A kid sure enough comes to tell "Santa Harry" what he wants.

Harry: Hey there little boy! What can Santa do for you?

Boy: How come you gotta reindeer and not an elf?

Marv: (In a goofy reindeer voice) Cause the elves are busy making the selvish kid's toys for a slave's wages.

Boy: Hu?

Harry: Shuddup Mr. Reindeer...I'm sorry about that son. He's jus upset cause his red nose pal ended up at the donner party.

Boy: Oh that's ok. I just wanted to ask if I could ask for a few things.

Harry: Yeah, yeah ... ask away...

Boy: Well...I was wanting a sled, a sports bike, and a train set for starters...then I thought maybe a trampoline...

As the kid starts asking about some random stuff, Marv sees the Calvin and Macy off in the distance.

Marv: Hey Harry...look who it is...

Harry: (while the boy is telling him what he wants.) Well, well! Looks like christmas just brightened up! (To the boy) Alright! That's enough...now scram Santa's got some special business to attend.

Boy: But will I get my toys still?

Harry: Yeah...whatever kid. Now beat it!

The kid runs off as Harry looks at Marv.

Harry: Hold it a second? Something ain't right.

Marv: What? I don't see nothin'

Harry: That's just it. where's Kevin... It looks like there just roaming by themselves.

Marv: Maybe they murdered him!

Harry: Na...I think they came here alone.

Marv: Then what's the matter? Let's get 'em!

Harry: Yeah...now remember the plan and don't screw this up or I'll spoon feed you your intestines!

Marv: Hey don't worry! I know exactly what I'm supposed to do!

Near the area where the kids are at, a local church caroling group is singing "What child is this?" when Marv in his reindeer costume comes up to the kids.

Marv: Hello kiddies! How are you?

Macy: Hey mr. Reindeer!

Calvin: Hello!

Marv: Just wanted to let you know that we're giving lucky kids free treats and pictures right over there with Sandy Clause!

Marv points over to "Santa" as he waves back. The kids wave as well.

Macy: Oohh lets see Santa!

Calvin: I don't know...We gotta be going soon. We've been here pretty long as it is...

The kids start to walk off as Marv walks towards them.

Marv: Ah you can't go! We selected you at random from all these kids for are hundred dollar give away!

Calvin: Hundred dollar!

Marv: That's right! We pick one kid or family a year for the cash prize and your it!

Macy: Are you for real!?

Marv: Sure kids! All you have to do is sit on Sandy's lap and you get the doe!...See doe...it's a deer joke!

The kids giggle at that.

Marv: Come on! It'll take five minutes!

Marv grabs their hands and starts walking them towards "Santa" and the van.

Harry: Over here kiddies! Ho! Ho! Ho!

The kids get closer and closer as "Santa" continues to wave them over.

Harry: Come on and see Santa kids!

The children are getting close now, almost in grabbing range.

Harry: Almost there!

Just as "Santa" stands up to grab them, a large man appears from behind some pine trees that were right next to the van. He's dressed in flannel hunting attire and carrying a large ax with some kind of red stains on them. The children remembering the story about axman Sam, assume that the man is he and proceed to flip out and scream sheeks of terror at the top of their lungs!

Macy and Calvin: (screaming) Axman Sam!

Harry: Whoa kids! Whoa!

Calvin: Run for it Macy!

Marv: Hey kids get back here!

Marv and Harry lunge after them but quickly trip over several startled adults as the kids get away.


	9. Hiding from axman sam

Macy and Calvin run as fast as they can not even thinking about getting to their boat. They run till they get to the outside of the park where a small diner is. Macy stops Calvin because she is getting winded and tired.

Macy: Hold on Calvin!

Calvin: It's ok. I think we lost that guy.

Macy: You think he'll find us?

Calvin: I don't think so. We'll go in that diner just to be safe.

A few moments later, Calvin and Macy are seated at a diner booth, both on the same side, while looking out the window hoping to not see that axman again. Soon a young waitress comes over to serve them.

Waitress: Can I help you two?

Calvin: Can we get a couple menus?

Waitress: I think I can manage that. Are your parents with you?

Calvin: Ma'am...I'm only eight. She's five. Do you really think we'd be here alone? I think not! My dad is in the bathroom. He walked in right before we did.

Waitress: He did?

Macy: Yeap. He has chronic constipation so he may be a while. He told us to go ahead and order. He even gave us money see!

Macy takes out here money and shows the waitress.

Waitress: Ok...what can I get you?

Calvin: Can we look at a menu?

Waitress: (Pointing to the end of the table) They're in the holder there.

Calvin: Oh right...thanks.

Calvin looks for a second.

Calvin: I think we'll just have two cokes.

Waitress: Ok...two cokes.

Macy: Excuse me lady? Are these free? (Pointing to the sugars.)

Waitress: They are. They're for the coffee.

Macy: I think I'll have some coffee. Dad said it puts hair on your chest. I always wanted to see if that works.

Waitress: Alright...one coffee.

Macy: Can I get it black with some cream.

Waitress: I'll see what I can do.

Calvin and Macy: Thanks!

Calvin: She was nice...we'll have to tip her!

Macy: Yeah...you think 20 is enough. I don't have anything smaller.

Calvin: That should be fine...let's at least look at the menu why we're here. I am getting a little hungry again.

Macy: I could eat too I guess.

The two hold up a menu over their faces and can't be seen except from the back. Just at that moment, Harry and Marv come in; still partly in costume though their faces are now exposed. The two crooks sit directly in front of the kids, (who can't be seen cause the menus block their face.) with Marv facing the kids, and Harry with his back to them.

Harry: I swear Marv, your lucky I don't spoon feed you your own intestines for letting those kids go!

Marv: How did I know those little brats would scream and take off running?

The kids start to hear what is being said and listen with a shocked look on their face.

Calvin: (Whispering) I think they're talking about us!

Harry: You had 'em by the hand! You shoulda just picked them up and stuffed 'em in the van.

Macy: (Whispering) That's not the real Santa!

Calvin: (Whispering) I think we're in trouble sis.

Macy: (Whispering) Just stay hidden behind here till they leave.

Calvin gets out his cell phone and starts turning it on.

Macy: What are you doing?

Calvin: I'm gonna call the cops!

Macy: We can't tell anyone! If they find out daddy left us alone they may put us in an orphanage!

Calvin:...You're right. We have to deal with this ourselves!

Meanwhile, the waitress who is concerned about the kid's well being notices an old man come from the bathroom.

Waitress: Excuse me sir? Was there anyone else in the restroom beside you?

Old man: No ma'am. And I was in the only stall.

Waitress: Ok. Thanks.

At that same time, Harry is continuing to scold Marve about losing the kids.

Harry: I knew I shouldn't have let you handle those Macallister kids!

Marv: Still it's weird that Kevin wasn't with them. Right? You think they may have got left alone?

Harry: I don't know. Maybe. Maybe they snuck out...either way we'll go by their place about 8 tonight and check it out.

Marv: And what if he is there?

Harry: Look I don't care if I have to follow those little rugrats all the way to college! Sooner or later we'll get 'em and make little old Kevin pay with every red cent and silver dime he has!

Just as the kids are freaking out behind the menus they are hiding behind, the waitress along with the manager grabs the menus from the kids, exposing them.

Waitress: Bathrooms empty! Looks like you've been abandoned!

Marv sees the kids and the three look at eachother shocked!

Marv: Harry! Behind you! It's those kids again!

Harry turns around and gets wide eyed as he sees them.

Harry: Hey kids! It's so good to see again!

Waitress: I think you should come with us children, until we can find your mom or dad.

Manager: It'll be ok kids. Your not in any trouble.

Calvin and Macy look at both Harry and Marv, and the Waitress and the Manager.

Calvin: Quick Macy! Follow me!

Calvin dives under the table like a rabbit as Macy follows. The pair crawl hastily under the waitress's legs and start to get up and run, much to everyone's surprise!

Waitress: Hey!

Manager: Kids come back here!

Harry: Come on Marv!

The waitress and manager chase Calvin and Macy with Harry and Marv close behind. All the people are in shock at the site as Calvin and Macy near the door. Just as Macy reaches the door, the manager grabs her arm and then Calvin's. Harry and Marv are running close behind.

Macy: (Yelling) CALVIN! HELP ME!

Calvin wrenches hard and breaks free. He sees Harry and Marv are about to grab them when he has an idea. Next to him is a gumball machine. Calvin uses all his strength, and knocks it over, spilling the gumballs everywhere!

Harry and Marv see it but it's too late! They slip and slide with a yell and fall into the manager and the waitress, causing all four of them to fall and release Macy. The two kids

run out of the door and see a pick up with a tarp that is just leaving the parking lot. They scurry under the tarp just in time as the truck leaves, but as they do, Calvin drops his cell phone on the ground. As the kids drive off Calvin and Macy peek under.

Calvin: Dad! Get back here! I need you!

Harry and Marv run out right then but don't see them.

Marv: Where are they Harry?!

Harry looks around and sees there really is nowhere to hide.

Harry: They must've hopped on a truck or somethin'...dang it! We almost had 'em yet again!

Marv sees the phone Calvin dropped and picks it up.

Marv: Hey Harry! Look at this! It's a cell phone.

Harry: Let me see that...

Harry turns it on and sees a picture of Kevin and the kids as the wallpaper.

Harry: This is they're phone! One of 'em must have dropped it when they we're running away! Come on!

Harry and Marv get in the van as Harry looks for Kevin's number.

Marv: What are going to do?

Harry just makes a shushing sound.

Marv: What are doing?

Harry: Shuddup! Shuddup! It's ringing!

Kevin picks up the phone.

Kevin: Calvin? It that you?

Harry talks in a high child like voice but muffles it with a muffled, staticy sound.

Harry: Hey daddy! I can barely hear you! Must be the weather!

Marv: (Snickering) That's brilliant Harry!

Harry just makes another shushing sound.

Kevin: What are you saying son your cutting out.

Harry: (Making a staticy sound) I'm...scared...when are...you coming...back?

Kevin: I can't hear you son...I'm still in Chicago. Roads are still covered up. It'll be late tonight when I get back. I have to go now. Stay inside ok? Live you. Bye.

Harry ends the call

Harry: That settles it! Looks like daddy dear did leave 'em alone. And with this weather, he ain't gonna be back anytime soon.

Marv: I say we get them now!

Harry: After dark like I said. I ain't gonna risk being spotted.

Harry starts the van and drives it away.


	10. Dinner with a new friend

Calvin and Macy are being driven down the road when all of a sudden the truck stops. Footsteps are heard as Macy and Calvin are frozen in fear. The foot steps get closer and closer when all of a sudden the tarp is pulled back exposing the kids. They look up and to their horror it is "Axman Sam" The kids scream again but have nowhere to go! After a few seconds of screaming, the kids are out of energy. Then the man with his ax in hand starts to talk.

Axman: You're the two that were screaming at me earlier. Now your sneaking a ride on my truck.

Calvin: Please don't kill us! We'll leave and never bother you!

Axman: (Whit a chuckle) What ever made you think I was gonna hurt you? Cause of this ax?

Macy: Aren't you axman sam?

Axman: Axman Sam?! Who's that?

Calvin: Our dad told us about him...but I think it was just to scare us...so we stay on the strait and narrow.

Axman: We I think it worked a little too well. I'm Will Oaty.

Will sticks out his hand but the kids are reluctant to shake it.

Will: Well go on...it's a hand, not a spider. It ain't gonna bite ya.

Calvin shakes his hand and then Macy as they smile and warm up to him.

Will: Why don't you come in and get warm. I'll get you some hot soup.

The two kids who are still hungery look at each other and nod.

Inside, the home is very out-doorsy, with mounted animals, guns, and a cozy fire place where the kids are sitting while listening to "silent night" play on the radio. Will brings over two bowls of hot chili.

Will: Alright. This is my prize winning deer chili. Say a prayer and eat up.

The two start to eat with a little caution as they have never tried deer before.

Will: Well...how is it.

Macy and Calvin: Good...

Will: So...Calvin right?

Calvin: Uh-hu.

Will: So where are your parents at?

Macy looks at him with concern.

Calvin: Uhhh...

Will: You don't have to explain. My dad started leaving me alone when I was three.

Macy: Weren't you scared?

Will: Didn't know I was supposed to be. But I guess I was a little bit. I lived right here. But this park and all these houses...they hadn't been built yet. You couldn't walk to a grocery store, so we learned to get along without. We leaned to hunt and fish. Your dad teach you to hunt or fish?

Calvin: I think he took us fishing a couple times.

Macy: Mr. Will? I was wondering why you have blood on your ax. Did you kill an animal with it?

Will: Why that's not blood on my ax...it's red clay! I've been chopping brush in the forrest. Sometimes a tree stump has a lot of dirt and mud on it so it gets on my ax.

The music on the radio transitions to "God rest ye merry gentlemen" by Bing Crosby as Macy asks another question.

Macy: Oh! How come you chopping brush?

Will: Because I'm one of the people looking for that lost boy in the woods.

Calvin: Oh yeah! I heard about that. Do you think he's ok?

Will: Oh he's fine...just a little lost is all.

Macy: Are you really sure he's ok?

Will: Pretty sure...he's my brother's son, and our family knows how to survive. Besides it's Christmas.

Calvin: Why does that matter?

Will: Well you know how the odds of winning the lottery are like...one in a million?

Calvin: Yeah.

Will: Well, that's kind of how a miracle is. Not much chance of one happening...but christmas is the season of miracles you see. The odds don't matter so much this time a year. Understand?

Calvin: I think so...you must have a lot faith.

Will: It helps...

Macy: So how come your not looking for your nephew?

Will: Well, I was getting supplies in town and a couple things here so I could seach for him better when you two showed up, so first I got to get you home.

Calvin: I'm sorry if we caused you trouble.

Will: Oh don't think anything of it. So where do you live?

Calvin: Across the lake from the park.

Macy: We took a boat across.

Will: Alright...well I'll tell you what. I'll hitch up my fishing boat and tow your boat home. That way I can see you home saftly. Alright?

Calvin and Macy nod there head to say yes.

A while later, Will tows the kids back home to safty. As they get out of the boat and onto the dock, Will says goodbye.

Will: Alright, here you go kids. You both stay home and be safe ok?

Macy: We will Mr. Oaty.

Calvin: Hold on a sec.

Calvin goes into the boat's emergency kit and gets out a flare gun.

Calvin: Here. We have another one just incase. Maybe if your nephew is close to where you are, he'll see your flare and you'll find him!

Will: What a nice present! Thank you! Now I have a gift for you two.

Will digs in his pocket and takes out a small metal whistle and hands it to Calvin.

Macy: Ohhh a whistle!

Will: Now if your lost, you can let someone know where you are...

Calvin: Thanks! But..won't you need it?

Will: That whistle belongs to my nephew. I found it in the woods yesterday. He would blow it if he got too far away but he must have lost it.

Macy: Why don't you blow it and he'll find you.

Will: I don't think he'd hear it...he's nearly completly deaf.

Calvin: Oh...Well, we'll just have faith then...I think you'll find him.

Macy: Me too!

Will: I know I will! Merry Chriatmas you too!

Macy and Calvin: Merry Christmas!


	11. Kevin wont be home

In Chicago, at about 6 pm, Kevin watches as another snow plow goes by and is making his way in bumper to bumper traffic when he sees that his gas is low.

Kevin: Great! More delays!

Kevin pulls off to a nearby rough looking gas station. He goes to the inside and gets a coffee and then to the teller.

Kevin: Let's go forty in gas and the coffee.

Teller: Alright...$42.08. Kevin opens his wallet and sees that it isn't his wallet at all but Uncle Frank's!

Kevin: Uncle Frank's wallet!

Inside the wallet is cash, but the monopoly money he had put their from the game that he played two days before.

Kevin: Ummm...I have a problem. I accidentally swapped wallets with my uncle and he never carries cash.

Teller: Does he have a credit card?

Kevin: Hold on...

Kevin looks and finds the only one there is (Not realizing that his good one was taking by his Aunt Leslie to pay for the pizza two nights back.)

Kevin swipes the card but it is rejected.

Kevin: This is embarrassing...I'm so sorry for this. Is there anyway in the spirit of Christmas, you could pay for this. I promise, I have plenty of money, and I'd be happy to come back and pay you. With a bonus if needed ofcourse.

Teller: Well since it's christmas I'll tell you what I'll do...

Kevin: Yeah?!

Teller: You come back with some money and I'll sell you some gas!

Kevin: Thanks...

Kevin walks out and returns to his car only to see it has a flat tire.

Kevin: This keeps getting better and better!

Upon closer inspection he sees the tire has picked up a nail.

Kevin: Of course! Merry Christmas to me!

Kevin gets his phone out and calls his mom, Kate. In Tokyo, the Mcallister clan is about to leave a restaurant where they were having breakfast. The waitress puts the check on the table as Uncle Frank gets it!

Frank: I'm taking care of this one!

Kate: Are you sure!? I was going to pay!

Leslie: Frank!? What's come over you? You've been overcome with the christmas spirit the last two days!

Frank: What can I say! I love to give when I can!

The rest of the family says thank you in there own words (unaware that the only reason he has been generous, is because he has Kevin's wallet and money.

Frank pulls out a large tip and hands it to the waitress.

Frank: There you go darling!

Waitress: Oh thank you very much!

Kate's phone rings and sees that it is Kevin calling.

Kate: Kevin!? I was wondering when you would call back.

Kevin: Call back?

Kate: Yes! From earlier when you were in the restroom.

Kevin puts the phone to his side a second as ge realizes what must have happened.

Kevin: The kids...clever!

Kevin resumes his call with Kate.

Kevin: Oh yeah...that. Sorry mom. I just was busy that's all. Anyways I was calling to see if Frank had my wallet. I think it got switched with his by mistake.

Kate: Hmm...that would explain his sudden burst of generosity these last couple days...I'm sorry honey. I'll talk to him about it.

Behind her, Buzz is waving for her to come on.

Buzz: Move it mom! We're leaving!

Kate: Oh honey I better let you go, everyone is leaving now. Love to the kids. Bye baby.

Kate hangs up as Kevin thinks about what to do. He then decides to check on the kids. He calls them on the landline phone back home. Macy hears it and runs for it.

Macy: I got it!

She picks up the phone while scratching her spots.

Macy: Daddy?

Kevin: Macy! How are you feeling?

Macy: Itchy but otherwise good! When are you coming home?

Kevin: I'm on my way but it's still gonna be a while. Can you put Calvin on?

Macy: Sure!

Macy hands the phone to Calvin.

Calvin: Dad! It's after dark! Where are you?

Kevin: I'll be there as soon as possible. Are you ok?

Calvin: Well I guess so...but what if something happens?

Kevin: I'm sure you'll be ok.

Calvin: But what IF it does? We haven't put up any security or anything!

Kevin: What's gotten into you son? Did something scare you?

Calvin: It's just...I'm not use to this. I'm the man of the house now and it's kinda freaky.

Kevin:...Do you remember how I was left alone for Christmas?

Calvin: Yeah...

Kevin: And how I had to fight off those two burglars?

Calvin: You've told me a hundred times dad!

Kevin: The point is that your not helpless. And if your in a real emergency, call the police.

Calvin: Yeah but come on dad! You don't really expect me to believe you really beat up two grown burglars on your own do you!? I mean it's just a story right!?

Kevin: Go up to my trunk in the attic if you don't believe me.

Calvin: Dad! That's not gonna help!

Kevin: Why are you so scared son! This isn't like you!

Calvin: Ok dad...there's something I have to tell you...something bad...

Kevin: What! What's going on!

Just then, the ice that had been causing the tree branch to lean, causes it to break now. The branch falls on the powerline and the phone and power both go out.

Kevin: Hello!? Hello!? Calvin?! Are you there?!

Macy: Power's out!

Calvin: Phone's out too!

A few seconds later, the power comes back on.

Macy: Power's back!

Calvin: Yeah Dad's generator. Good thing he had that installed. We're good.

Meanwhile Kevin calls Calvin's emergency phone unaware that Harry and Marv have it.

Kevin: Come on...

The phone rings in Harry and Marv's van while the two are eating. Marv sees that it's Kevin on the phone.

Marv: Hey! Guess who's back!

Harry: Well let's say hello!

Harry answers the phone on speaker.

Harry: Hi ya pal!

Kevin: Harry!?

Marv: Hey kid! Surprised to hear from us!

Kevin: Marv! What are doing with my son's phone?!

Harry: (Tisk tisk) You should be more worried about what we're gonna do to your kids!

Marv: Yeah! We got 'em tied up in the van right now.

Kevin: Your lying! I just talked to them!

Harry: Am I? Marv, beat a few screams outta the kids so daddy can hear 'em. Kevin don't believe us!

Marv: Love too!

Kevin: Ok! Wait! You win! Don't hurt them! What do you want!?

Marv: Look Harry! We finally got brave little Kevin on his knees!

Harry: Yeah! (To Kevin) Here's the deal...we want two million in cash.

Marv: That's a million for Harry and half that for me!

Harry: (To Marv) Suddup, I'm trying to make a deal! (To Kevin) Now here's what your gonna do. I know that the blizzard has made traveling a headache for everyone, so to make everyone happy, your gonna find you a sea plane to charter and then meet us on the lake next to your house. Then, after we get the money, and the plane, you get your kids, and we make a quick escape. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Kevin: It's christmas! I can't get that much money that quick...or find a plane!

Harry: What happened to that bright little boy we use to know!? Hu? Now I know you can pull it off so don't con me! And if I see one cop or if you're not there by midnight tonight... then let's just say that Christmas for the Macallisters won't be a jolly holiday ever again!

Harry hangs up the phone with a grin of satisfaction on his face.

Harry: Marv...It's beginning to look a lot like christmas!

The two snicker as they continue to eat their sandwiches.


	12. Harry and Marv's demands

Meanwhile back at Kevin's home, Calvin and Macy climb a chair and open the attic door.

Calvin: Come on hurry!

The two get into the attic and see a lot of random stuff around including a bowling ball, helium tanks from Macy's last birthday, and a large roll of christmas lights on a wheel just to name a few. Calvin looks to his side and sees a cardboard cutout of himself with a movable cardboard arm that makes him wave when a battery is installed.

Calvin: Hey my cut out! That's where dad stashed it!

At the end of the attic is a large old trunk.

At the same time in Chicago, the "Holiday flight" score is heard as Kevin is running on foot pressing his way through people and slow moving cars.

Kevin: (running by a crowd of people and through cars) Excuse me! Move! Move!

Woman on street: (Being pushed aside) Hey!

Cars honk as Kevin runs sporadically in front of them.

Man in car: Watch it buddy!

Kevin sees a bike that a kid is just riding. The kid gets off it just to have Kevin pick it up and ride off in it.

Teen kid: Hey my bike!

Kevin: (Yelling back as he rides off) I know...I'm a real criminal!

Meanwhile Calvin and Macy open the trunk that is in the attic. Inside are some of Kevin's belongings; most notably a large supply of bottle rockets!

Calvin: Whoa! Cool!

Under the bottle rockets, Macy sees a sweater with a big bird kitted on it.

Macy: Whoa! Daddy wore this? How dorky!

Calvin looks under the sweater and finds a old picture of Kate and Peter (Their grandparents)

Macy: Grandma and Grandpa look so young there!

Then Calvin sees to rolled up papers. He takes them out and see that they are the plans that Kevin made when he was a boy. One paper is titled "Battle plan" and the other is titled "Operation Ho Ho Ho"

Calvin: Hey this must be what dad was talking about!

Macy: What are those?

Calvin: I think these are the blueprints that dad made when he was fighting of those two robbers.

Macy: So you think that was true?!

Calvin: I guess so...

Macy: Are those the two same bad guys who wanted to hurt us?

Calvin: Yeah...I'm pretty sure. (Looking Macy in the eye) We have to fight back! They said they'd be coming about eight. That gives us a little more than an hour.

Macy: But what are we gonna do?

Calvin: We're gonna make our own plan and we can use these (holding up the battle blueprints) to help up. Come on, I need your help. They want a fight! We'll show 'em what a real fight is!

In Chicago, the "Holiday Flight" score continues to play as Kevin rides the borrowed bike to a townhouse nearby. Seconds later he is pounding frantically on the door. Finally and older man about 60 open up. The man is Kevin's father in law named Walter.

Walter: Kevin? What on earth are doing here?

Kevin: (Frantic and out of breath) Hello sir...I need to speak to Ashley right away. It's an emergency!

Just then Ashley, Kevin's soon-to- be-divorced wife comes from behind.

Ashley: (With shock and concern) Kevin! What are you doing here!

Kevin: I had to come something's happened!

Ashley: Oh my gosh what!? Wait! Where are the children!

Kevin (Catching his breath) Ashley...You may want to sit down for this.

Ashley gets pale and wide-eyed as fear and anxiety overcome her. Then before Kevin can speak, she faints!

Moments later inside the house, Kevin is trying to comfort Ashley and trying to keep her calm as she is going through a range of emotions over what happened.

Ashley: My babies! How could you leave my babies alone! Now they've been snatched by those two...murders!

Kevin: Attempted murders...I'm still alive see!

Ashley: DO NOT try to make a joke about this! This is all your fault!

Kevin: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW! What! You think I wrote them a letter? Hey, crooks! Whenever you get out of prison come look me up! We'll party like the old days! I can introduce you TO MY CHILDREN!

Ashley: YOU LEFT THEM ALONE! AT HOME! OF COURSE THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

Kevin: WELL IF YOU HADN'T OF LEFT ME, YOU COULD BE WITH THEM!

Ashley falls down on the couch and cries.

Walter comes in with a briefcase.

Walter: Why'd you have to go and make my baby girl cry! Hasn't she been through enough in the last five minutes.

Kevin: I'm sorry...really...

Walter: Forget it. Here. (handing Kevin the briefcase) This is all the money I have in my safe. A hundred thousand.

Kevin: They're going to check this...there's gotta be a way to get the rest of the money!

Walter: Why don't you go all rambo- macgyver on their butts like you did before.

Ashley: Daddy!

Walter: I'm just telling ya!

Ashley: Call the police! They'll help us somehow! I don't care what those guys said!

Ashley grabs the phone and starts to dial, but Kevin grabs the phone and hangs it up.

Kevin: No! I won't risk it! We'll find another way! Trust me!

The "Holiday flight" score is heard again as Kevin and Ashley are now in her car, with Ashley driving frantically. Several times she honks and passes on the shoulder while yelling "Move it", or "Get outta the way!"

Kevin: Alright, I've got a few locations on mapquest for chartered flights. Turn left at the next light!

Ashley guns for the red light and turns almost hitting a car!

Kevin: Go! Go! Go! Turn here! Hurry!

Ashley continues to do some stunt driving while avoiding multiple collisions and near hydroplanes on the ice and snow.

Kevin: Almost there just another mile!

Ashley: I got it! I got it!

Kevin sees a general store coming up and gets an idea.

Kevin: STOP AT THAT STORE RIGHT NOW!

Ashley hits her breaks and and recklessly pulls into the store.

Ashley: WHY ARE WE STOPPING?!

Kevin: I have a plan! Come with me!


	13. Setting the traps

Meanwhile at Kevin's house, it's just a minute before seven. Macy is finishing drawing something on a large paper while Calvin is grabbing random stuff he thinks he can use.

Macy: Calvin?

Calvin: I have some ideas. How's the planner coming.

Macy: Just finishing!

The clock tolls seven at that moment.

Calvin: It's time sis! No turning back!

The "Setting the traps" score is heard as Macy and Calvin roll out a new plan on the table titled "Christmas Blitz" Then they began to set various traps. Macy fills and heats pots of water on the stove, and stacks the pots of boiling water strategically on the counter while also setting a plugged up waffle maker on top of them. Then she fills a bucket with vegetable oil. Then she melts several candles in a pot, and while using a ladder, the two kids rig the hot melted wax pot above a sliding door that connects the main room with the family den. Clavin then grabs his dad's security devices and climbs a ladder to hang up the fake machine gun security camera outside the back door. Macy tapes rodent glue traps to a skateboard as the two kids drag the Christmas tree to the top of the back deck. Macy digs in the fire pit under the chimney and sets a bear trap while Calvin securely ties the large reel of christmas lights to the bed. The score continues while Kevin is in the general store grabbing a few supplies including several copies of monopoly, green spray paint, a large sturdy sack, a bag of sand and some duct tape. The score continues still as Calvin drives a nail on the inside of the attic stairs and puts a bowling ball on the nail. Then he installs a stick- anywhere- light with a pull string on the outside of the attic door, then the two are seeing wiring a car battery to the front door's deadbolt latch. Meanwhile, Kevin takes all the money from the monopoly games and spray paints them green while holding his shirt over his nose while standing in the parking lot. At the house, the kids also remove the toilet lid that covered the toilet that is still filled with various wastes; (mostly Macy's vomit and 'other' wastes) and then the two are seeing sawing through the floor at the top of the stairs. Macy grabs the whistle that was given to them and puts it around her neck. Calvin climbs the ladder under the chandelier and installs the laser security box and lastly, the two kids fill the hot tub with paint and turn the tub on as hot as they can! The "setting the traps score" winds down as it is nearly eight o'clock.

Kevin is about to get back in the cat with Ashley when he sees a christmas cross with lights (though the lights are turned off)on the building. He looks back at it as if to pray.

Kevin: I know I don't talk to you so much and I know I really should... but if you're listening I could really use your help now...and if you have time...well... you know.

Kevin gets back in the car.

Ashley: You OK?

Kevin: Yeah let's go...

Just as Kevin and Ashley drive off, the lights on the christmas cross turn on.


	14. Springing the traps round one

Back at the house, the kids wait for the attack when Harry and Marv pull up in their van right on schedule. As soon as they stop, the Christmas lights behind them across the lake turn on.

Harry: Alright Marv. Let me do the talking and the thinking. Ok? Maybe we can get those brats to come down with a little sweet talk.

Marv: You know, if we had our smoker, we could have smoked them out. After all, we are the smokey bandits!

Harry: Will you quit with that you idiot!

Marv: Wait Harry! What if they try to pull some stunts like their dad did?

Harry: You think it runs in the family Marv? Look! Their dad is just some kind of a freak! His parents were nobodies and so are his kids! Now let's go!

Harry rings the doorbell. After a moment, the kids open a window from a room on the second floor.

Calvin: What do you two want?

Harry: Hello son! It's Santa and his Reindeer! Remember? You probably don't recognize us without our costumes.

Calvin: We remember you!

Harry: Good! Good! Well we just wanted to clear up a little misunderstanding we had from earlier.

Marv: Yeah. We have your hundred bucks and found you cell phone. Why don't you come down and get it.

Macy: Why don't you leave it on the doorstep and get the heck outta here!

Marv: (To Harry) I don't think they're gonna go for it Harry.

Harry: Hold on. I got an idea.

Harry gets out Calvin's cell phone and pretends to talk with his dad.

Harry: Wait I'm getting a call. It's from your dad! (Pretending to talk to Kevin) Hello? You want us to what? Ok! I let the letting darlings know! (To the kids) That was your father! He's very concerned about you being by ourselves, and he wants you to come stay with Uncle Harry and Uncle Marv until he gets back ok?

Calvin: Ok! Well be right down but first let us throw our bags down.

Harry: Absolutely!

Marv: Watch it Harry! It could be a trick!

Harry: I am! I am!

Macy looks out the window and has her sleeping bag in her hand.

Macy: Bombs away!

She tosses the bag as Harry and Marv move out of the way thinking their may be something that could hurt them inside. Harry checks out the bag, but it appears to be normal.

Harry: It's just a sleeping bag!

Marv: I thought she said something about a bomb!

Then Calvin comes to the window with his bag.

Calvin: Here, catch my bag!

Calvin tosses the bag, as Marv catches it. Too his delight, the bag is very lite as well.

Calvin: Thank you Mr. Reindeer!

Marv: Hey! It was just a bag! They really are coming down!

Harry: How about that! We already won!

The two let out a snicker. A second later, Macy and Calvin come to the window holding an overnight suitcase.

Macy: Alright. Catch this one! Don't worry! It's not that heavy.

Marv: Let us have it!

Calvin: Ok...!

The kids let the bag slide down the roof that is under their window. Harry and Marv get ready to catch it when they see that a rope is tied to the suitcase. As soon as it reaches the end of the roof, the case lid opens, as several round weights fall out. Harry and Marv scream and try to move but it's too late! The weights fall on their heads and knock them to the ground! The kids laugh as Harry and Marv are recovering from the blow while groaning in pain.

Harry: Marv! You O.k.?

Marv: I knew it! I knew those little psychos would try something!

The kids start to laugh as Harry yells at them.

Harry: Alright you two! Remember you declared war on us! We wanted to do this the easy way, but playtime's over! (To Marv) Come on! Help be break this door down!

Calvin: (To Macy) Come on.

The kids run down the stairs as Harry and Marv go to the front door.

Marv: Let me at 'em! I'll tear their heads off!

Harry: Let's see if they happened to leave the door unlocked.

Harry goes to grab the knob but Marv stops him.

Marv: Wait! Remember how you burnt your hand!? Let's use the crowbars!

Harry: Yeah! Good thinking! They haven't let us down yet!

Harry wedges his crowbar into the deadbolt expecting to pry open the door with ease, but as soon as the metals of the crowbar and deadbolt meet, Harry is jolted with a surge of electricity. After a second he is blasted several feet onto the snow!

Marv: Harry! Harry! You o.k.?

Harry: Is this what O.K. looks like to you!

Marv: They must have booby trapped the door with something.

Harry: You THINK Marv! Come on let's go around back!

As they run to the back Marv makes a suggestion.

Marv: Maybe we should call this of Harry while we can. They're just gonna tear us up like their old man did. They're tougher than they look.

Harry: No! We're tougher then WE look! Who spent 28 years in a maximum security prison!? We did! Who knocked Jack the brickman, the toughest guy in the joint, in the teeth? Me! All they did was survive a merry- go- round at the local preschool! Now get tough!


	15. The traps round 2

Marv and Harry go to the back door when, without warning, Kevin's novelty camera-machine gun goes off! The gun shot sounds are very realistic and fool the two enough, that they dive around the corner of the house. The gun stops making a firing sound but acts as if it is waiting for something to move. Inside the kids are giggling.

Marv: They're trying to kill us Harry!

Harry: Suddup!

Marv: They're worse than Kevin!

Harry: Suddup!

Marv: Let's split Harry!

Harry: Suddup! Suddup! Shut up! Look! There ain't no bullet holes in the snow, that garbage can, nothing.

Marv: Maybe it has a bad aim!?

Harry: Na! It's some kind of dummy gun they put there to scare us! Watch!

Harry sticks his hand out and sure enough the gun fires right at him but of course is proven to be a fake gun.

Marv: Hey! Let me try!

Marv first puts his hand out and is amused by it. Then he starts standing completely in front of it as if to taunt the kids inside.

Marv: Look Harry! I'm invincible!

Harry: That's cute Marv. You wanna stop showing off so we can continue?

Marv: Alright, alright!

Marv smashes the camera-gun with his crowbar and it shuts down.

Marv: Yeah! I beat your little toy didn't I!?

Inside Calvin takes a giant wad of sticky cotton balls and sticks it on the end of a nerf gun dart. Macy is holding the gun as Calvin lights it. She then sticks the gun out of the doggy door, and shoots the flaming dart right into his crotch! Marv notices right away and starts hollering!

Harry: Marv! Your on fire!

Marv tries to hit it out with his hands but with no success.

Harry: (While lifting his crowbar) stand still Marv!

Harry hits Marv in the crotch with the crowbar as Harry dances around in agony. After a couple hits, Harry sees that whacking him with the crowbar isn't putting out the fire so he suggest another solution.

Harry: The snow Marv! Jump in the snow!

Marv immediately follows his advice and jumps into the snow. The fire goes out but instead of being relieved, Marv let's out an unearthly howl! As he falls over it is seen that his crotch landed hard on the snow covered iron statue that Kevin had knocked over earlier! The kids inside howl with laughter.

Harry: Marv! Marv! Talk to me Marv!

Marv: The devil children!

Harry: Shake it off buddy! Shake it off!

Inside Calvin and Macy plan their next move.

Calvin: Alright. Let's go. You know what to do.

Macy: Right!

Outside Marv gets up and is composed again.

Harry: Those kids wanna play games, we'll have to outsmart them. You go around to the top deck, I'll go through here.

Marv: Right.

Marv runs around to the other side of the house where there is a long wooden staircase leading to a deck on the second floor. He carefully tests the first step for ice and when he sees that it is safe, he proceeds upwards. His feet press into a deep layer of snow as he walks up until he gets to the next to last step when his right foot steps on, and gets stuck on, a glue mouse trap that is duct taped to a skateboard. Marv tries to free his foot with a shake but to no avail. Then he tries to force it off by putting his other foot on the skateboard's opposite side but gets stuck instead on another glue trap! Now completely stuck on the skateboard, Marv wiggles and jumps to try to free himself but instead, he soon loses his balance and rolls down the stairs yelling all the way down! Marv lies in the snow on his back as he looks up to see that a rope had been attached to the skateboard as well and by him falling, had pulled a sled at the top of the stairs with the family's christmas tree strapped to it. The sled and tree then slides down the stairs towards a screaming Marv! As the tree and sled hit the ground, the tree (which is real) flips upward, and then falls; glass ornaments, hard branches and all, on Marv as he lets out a pleading cry!

Meanwhile, Harry yells at whoever is listening through the kitchen door. As he does Calvin pours the bucket of vegetable oil all over the floor.

Harry: Alright! Ready or not I'm coming in!

Calvin: I wish you wouldn't!

Harry back up and kicks the door in while being careful not to enter without checking for a trap. He looks above him and to the sides and when he sees that it is clear, he walks onto the slippery kitchen floor. Harry slips around for a few seconds before finding his footing.

Harry: Ha! Your little slip and slide didn't do as well as you hoped did it!

Calvin: Guess not! I guess you're gonna come pound me know right?

Harry: Why your regular little physic aren't ya!

Harry steps forward a few feet when above his head, is the smoking smoke detector! He passes under and activates the trigger! The alarm blares loudly as smoke (fog) comes out and a robotic voice yells "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Harry is so surprised and startled that he slips down towards the ground. As he falls down, his arms, trying to grab what they could, knock down the stack of strategically set pots filled with boiling water all over him followed by the hot waffle iron. Harry screams in agony as the waffle iron stops inches from hitting his face due to the cord being plugged in. Harry yells again hoping the cord will keep the waffle iron at bay, but a second later, the cord give out, and the waffle iron falls down on top of Harry. Calvin runs off into the next room as Harry screams while pring the waffle iron off his burning flesh. Grid marks are left on Harry's face as he gets back to his feet.

Harry: Oh ho! When I get hold of you, I'm gonna hang you by your cojones, and use them as a speed bag you little jerk!

Outside, Marv is able to push the tree off of him while spitting out pine needles. He wipes off more pine needles and picks out shards of ornament glass from his clothing, hair and skin. He runs up the stairs this time and reaches the top of the deck. He uses his crowbar to open the top door that leads from the deck to the dining area and pushes it but can't move it at all! Marv looks closer to see that the family's heavy refrigerator is blocking it. Adding even more security other than the fridge is something he can't even see: a suction cup door stop locked against the refrigerator's door. Marv bangs against it a few times but it won't budge. Marv looks up and sees the chimney on the roof. Deciding that down the chimney may be the way to go, Marv grabs a deck chair and starts to climb on the roof. He reaches the chimney and makes sure there is no fire. With no sign of smoke or fire, he proceeds to climb down. Surprisingly, it isn't as hard to move down as he thought and soon, Marv reaches the bottom. He steps into the ashes of the firepit only to be greeted by the next trap; a bear trap! The teeth of the bear trap clamp onto his left leg as Marv screams like a little girl wolf getting its teeth pulled by a searing hot pair of iron tongs! Meanwhile, Harry reaches for the smoke detector which is still blaring it's alarm, and tears it's battery pack out. Then he moves on to the next room which is the laundry room.

Harry: Where you vermin hiding at?

He hears the dryer drying some clothes. He walks over to it and sees the washer. He opens it but finds nothing. Then from Calvin's room comes Calvin.

Calvin: Hey! Looking for me!?

Calvin pulls out a squirt gun and aims it at Harry.

Harry: That's it!? After all you setup your gonna pull a little old squirt gun on me? That's pathetic! Go ahead! Give me your best shot!

Calvin: Whatever you say!

Calvin squirts the gun's contents into Harry's eyes which isn't water at all but tobacco sauce! Harry screams in pain and tries to rub his eyes as Calvin runs into the jack and jill bathroom.

Harry: That's it you little freak! I'm gonna get you!

Calvin takes a cherry bomb from his pocket, lights it with a lighter, and puts it into the toilet. Harry runs into the bathroom as Calvin runs out of the door on his end and locks it. Harry grabs for the doorknob but it is locked. As he tries to pull it open, Macy comes out of the dryer where she was hiding and runs into the room while screaming and closes the other bathroom door trapping Harry in.

Harry: Hey! Open this door!

Calvin leaves the room and runs up stairs to prepare for the next phase of the plan.

In the bathroom, Harry hears the sizzle of the cherry bomb in the toilet and looks down. A look of shock comes over him as he realizes the lid has been removed. Harry tries to flush the bomb down multiple times but it wont go! He screams just as it explodes and blows a blanket of feces and vomit right into his face! Harry spits out wastes and shakes his head in disgust and yells.

Near the fireplace, Marv is wrenching in pain as he prys the jaws of the bear trap off his boot which is now destroyed.

Marv: I'm gonna execute those kids!

Marv takes off his boot and grabs a handkerchief and uses it as a bandage. He continues across the room with one boot off and a shredded pant leg! He walks over to the sliding door that connects the den (where he is) to the main family room. He opens the door and releases a bucket of hot wax that falls all over his head! Marv screams as he frantically tries to wipe the wax off his face. He moves over to a mirror that he sees in the corner of the room and starts to wipe off what wax he can with his shirt. A few seconds later, Macy runs into the living room and stops thinking no one is there. All the running around starts to catch up to her as she becomes very itchy. Believing she is safe for a second or two, she scratches herself for relief. Marv meanwhile finishes cleaning his face which now is eyebrowless due to the wax! In the reflection he sees Macy scratching herself. He quickly runs over and grabs her from behind causing her to scream.

Macy: Ahh! Let go!

Marv: I got the girl Harry! Hurry!

Harry who is in the bathroom still cleaning the waste off his face hears Marv.

Harry: Hold on to her Marv, I'm coming!

Harry kicks down the door and starts to head for the living room, but while crossing the kitchen, he slips again! In the living room Macy struggles to get free from Marv.

Marv: Hurry Harry!

Macy bites Marv who yells a bit, and with her free arm she grabs her whistle from around her neck and blows an ear splitting screeching sound into Marvs ear! He let's go of her and puts his hands over his ears. Calvin runs to the banister as Macy stops blowing the whistle.

Calvin: Hurry Macy!

Macy runs up the stairs to Calvin.

Calvin: You ok sis?

Macy: Yeah!

Harry runs into the room and goes to Marv who is still holding his ears.

Harry: Where is she?!

Marv: What?!

Harry: Where's the girl?!

Marv: What!? I can't hear!

Harry: Nevermind! Which way did she go?

Marv rubs his fingers to massage his ear.

Marv: I don't know!

Harry: (Grabbing Marv's ears) What do you mean you don't know!

Calvin and Macy look at Harry and Marv from the upstairs banister.

Calvin: We're up here you monkey turds!

Calvin pulls out a remote control for the laser security system installed right under the antler chandelier.

Harry: Your dead kids!

The two walk right under as Calvin activates the lasers. They surround Harry and Marv who look around with surprise.

Calvin: (To Macy) Alright! Let's go!

Marv: They caged us in Harry!

All of a sudden a holographic recording comes on. It's of Kevin who comes into the room. The recording of Kevin "sees" Harry and Marv and puts his hands on his cheeks and lets out a poorly acted scream.

Recording of Kevin: Ahhh! It seems that I'm being robbed! What should I do!?

Marv: It's him! Shoot him Harry!

Harry: It's a recording! Calm down!

Then another hologram of Kevin appears to talk to the first Kevin.

Second Kevin: Don't have a cow dude! The intruder or intruders are contained in this lethal laser prison. Go ahead. Touch it!

The first Kevin appears to touch the laser and it appears to burn him.

First Kevin: Ouch I see what you mean! So I'd just stay put while the owner of this home calls the police. Bye!

Both holograms disappear.

Marv: Were trapped Harry! They're gonna call the cops!

Harry: We're not trapped you egghead! Remember the machine gun! It's fake! The lasers are fake! See!

Harry reaches out to grab the laser but it burns him as he yells in pain!

Marv: What do we do!

Harry: Shuddup and stand back!

Harry grabs his gun and shoots the laser box. The lasers go out but the chandelier falls down!

Marv: Harry!

The two scream as the chandelier lands on them and knocks them to the ground!

Harry: Marv! Can you move?

Marv: I think so...

The two start to get up as Calvin calls to them.

Calvin: Why don't you too leave why you still can!

Harry: If you think we're giving up that easy, then your in a world of trouble my friend!

Marv: Yeah!

Calvin: Alright...then I guess the ride on the pain train continues!

Calvin runs off as Marv and Harry are about to run upstairs after them. Harry stops however before they go up.

Harry: Be sharp and walk against the walls Marv. Remember the paint cans.

Marv: Those brats won't get us this time!

Harry and Marv walk slowly and carefully up the stairs but nothing comes!

Marv: Hey! They ain't as smart as there old man after all! Let's get them!

Harry: Just what I was thinking Marv! The two take one step onto a rug at the top of the stairs and fall through the floor and into the hot tub filled with hot red paint! They scream at the top of their lungs as they get out and try to shake off what they can.

Harry: Ahhh! Let me at 'em! I'll kill 'em!

Marv: Not if I kill 'em first!

Harry and Marv run back up the stairs as Harry continues to rant.

Harry: I'm gonna kill them, then bring 'em back to life, then torture them, then kill them again!

Harry and Marv make it to the hallway at the top of the stairs but it is too dark to see anything.

Harry: Look around for a light switch!

Marv sees the pull string switch that was installed on the attic door.

Marv: I got it!

Marv pulls the string but instead of turning on the light, the attic door opens and the ladder slides out, hitting Harry in the face! Harry yells as he hits the floor. Marv stands over him to see how he is.

Marv: Harry? Can you see strait? Say something!

Harry sees the bowling ball that was hanging on a nail inside the attic door start to roll towards the back of Marv's head.

Marv: Say something Harry!

Harry: (Pointing) Bowling ball!

Marv: What!?

Then Marv hears it knocking down the stairs. He turns around just in time to scream and be hit square in the face by it! Marv falls on top of Harry seemily out cold. Then he wakes up, now with a bowling ball imprint on his face!

Macy and Calvin look on from the dark room ahead.

Macy: Score!

Macy and Calvin high five each other.

Calvin: Almost time for the fireworks!

Macy goes over to a lamp and turns it on which casts a large shadow of a man with a gun on the hallway wall. Marv and Harry see the shadow of the man in the hallway holding a gun.

Marv: Who the heck is that?!

Calvin turns on his talkboy which is tapped to his cardboard cutout that also has a nerf gun tapped to the cutouts hand. In the hall, the shadow man speaks in a deep voice.

Shadow man: Stop or I'll shoot!

Harry and Marv stop in their tracks.

Shadow man: Hands up! Now!

Harry: Whoever you are pal, there ain't no way your gonna stop us from getting those kids!

Shadow man: Leave now or I'll blow your heads off!

Marv: I think he's serious Harry! Should we make a run for it!?

Harry: Listen! Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it!

Shadow man: No deal! Prepare to die!

Marv: Harry?! What do we do?!

Shadow man: One...

On the top of the bed frame in the bedroom are several bottle rockets taped to it. All of them are aimed out the door. Calvin starts to light them all at the same time.

Shadow man: Two...

Harry: Hit the deck Marv!

The two dive down to the ground and cover their heads.

Shadow man: Three!

The rockets start flying out and buzzing in every direction towards Harry and Marv while Calvin and Macy toss the christmas lights that are attached to a big reel and the bed, out the window. Then as the rockets stop, Calvin lights a fireworks punk that has a match taped to it and then turns on a helium tank and the two climb out the window using the Christmas lights. In the hall, Marv and Harry get up.

Marv: He ain't firing anymore! He's just standing still!

Harry: Something's fishy. Let's check it out...

The two run into the bedroom and see the cardboard cutout of Calvin just standing there waving it's cardboard arm up and down with the nerf gun still attached.

Marv: They faked us out again Harry!

Harry reaches behind the cutout to see the talkboy tapped to it. Harry grabs the talkboy.

Harry: Here's your gunman!

Harry slams the talkboy on the floor and steps on it repeatedly until it breaks into pieces! Marv the notices the window is open.

Marv: The window Harry!

Harry and Marv see the christmas lights but also smell and hear the helium.

Harry: Wait a sec. Do you hear that?

Marv: (Marv's voice gets increasingly higher from the helium as he talks) It's the helium tank. But why would they leave the tank on when they leave?

Harry and Marv see the match start to light as they put it all together.

Harry and Marv look in horror and let out a helium induced high pitch scream! Then the whole room fills up for just a second with fire and a loud boom. Harry and Marv are completely covered in smoke as they still talk in a high pitch voice.

Harry: Freaking, fracking...(indistinct mumbling)

Marv: I think I'm gonna retire...

After a second, Harry coughs and his voice returns to normal.

Harry: Come on Marv we gotta climb out this window!

Marv: What? On these christmas lights?

Outside, Macy and Calvin taunt Harry and Marv.

Calvin: Hey there! Why don't you come get us!

Macy: Yeah! We're gonna go to the cops!

Harry: (To Marv) Come on!

Marv: They'll burn it halfway down!

Harry: It's plastic! It can't burn, and they can't cut it from down there! Now let's go!

Harry and Marv start to climb down the side of the house on the lights, when Calvin and Macy roll a wood chipper over and turn it on.

Calvin: Hey guys! Look what I can do!

Then Calvin grabs the bottom end of the lights and feeds them into the chipper! The chipper quickly starts to suck up the lights as Harry and Marv see what's happening.

Marv: Harry!

The lights they are climbing on gets tight and begins to pull them down!

Marv: Harry! We're getting sucked in!

Harry: Don't think about it! Climb!

A second later it's too late. The lights are sucked from under them and Harry and Marv fall down into the brick surrounded bed of prickly bushes!

Calvin: (To Macy) Come on!

The two kids run towards the boat dock. Harry and Marv get up and see the kids running.

Harry: Come on Marv! Time to end this!

Calvin and Macy run onto the boat as Calvin tries to start it. Macy unties it but Calvin can't seem to start the motor.

Macy: Hurry Calvin!

Calvin: I'm trying!

Just then Harry and Marv catch up with Harry holding his gun on them and in his other hand, one of the boat's spark plugs!

Harry: It don't work without this kiddies!

Calvin and Macy look frightened as they know they are beaten!

Harry: Looks like ya fell right into our little trap!

Marv: Yeah! Now it's our turn to win!

Harry: (Chuckling) Yeah...Let's go for a little boat ride!


	16. Kevin to the rescue

A little time passes and it is now near 11, just one hour till the deadline. In Chicago, Kevin and Ashley are driving as fast as they can to a find a chartered flight while listening for road updates.

Radio: Several roads and highways are still closed as snow plows are working overtime...

Kevin turns off the radio...alright make this next right...

Ashley: How long till we get to the next airport?

Kevin: We should see it soon. I really hope this one is open. We're running out of time.

Ashley: Look there it is! Silver seagull flights!

They pull into the airport which is small compared to the last couple of airports, and see that a hangerbay is open and does have a lite on!

Ashley: Thank goodness! Someone is here!

They pull up to the hanger but don't see anyone.

Kevin: Hello!

Ashley: Anyone! Please if your there it's an emergency!

Then from behind them comes an older man about in his 60s

Man: Hey there! We're closed!

Ashley: I'm sorry...We needed a flight immediately.

Kevin: Your gate was open...we didn't know...

Man: Ok! Like I said, we're closed. I just haven't locked up yet.

Ashley: We need help! It's an emergency!

Man: That's what cops are for, and I'll need them if you don't leave. I want to start my christmas alone if you please. Just me and Jack Daniels. Good night!

Kevin: NO! My son and daughter have been kidnapped and we have till midnight to get them back! Now this is christmas! Doesn't that mean anything to you?

Man: Oh geez mister! Why'd you tell me that!? I don't wanna get involved! I have a cozy heater and a hungry man dinner waiting! Then again...kids are involved...

Ashley: Please! We're desperate! I'll give you anything I have!

Kevin: Yes! Money's not a concern. Name your price!

Man: It...'s not about money...I don't need much. I just want a nice peaceful evening for once that's all...making kidnapping exchanges isn't really my thing! But what the heck...You got me outta my warm seat...I guess I can help!

Ashley: Oh thank you! Thank you!

Kevin: Thank you so much! I swear...anything you want...just name it!

Man: Yeah, yeah...I'm Denny Wilbur by the way.

Kevin: Kevin Mccallister (While shaking hands) and this is...Ashley.

Ashley: Thank you again. I assume you have a seaplane. That's where the kidnappers want to meet us. On Misty Lake.

Denny: Yeah sure. Misty Lake...yeah I know right where that is. I can get us there.

Meanwhile Harry and Marv hold Macy and Calvin at the boat. The kids are wrapped up in the boats blanket for warmth. Macy has her helmet on incase she falls overboard and hits her head.

Harry: Won't be long till midnight now kids!

Marv: (To Macy) So what's with the stupid helmet kid?

Macy: It's so I don't hit my head dummy!

Marv: I'm not a dummy! You're a dummy!

Harry: Marv! You really wanna argue with a barely potty trained toddler?

Marv: ...So what are we gonna do with them if Kevin don't show?

Harry: I think for starters I'll smother his face with a red hot waffle iron.

Marv: Hey! I like that! Maybe I'll stick her legs in a bear trap!

Harry: Or we could dunk her head in a tub of boiling paint!

Marv: Then we'll roast his chestnuts over an open fire!

Harry: Maybe after, we can come back next year and do it all over again! Then the next year, then the year after that!

Marv: We can make it an annual event!

The kids look terrified as they keep silent.

In the skies above the Chicago area, Denny is flying Ashley and Kevin towards Misty Lake. Kevin keeps looking at his phone and watch. It's currently 10 minutes till midnight.

Kevin: (To himself) Come on...get there!

Ashley: How much further?

Denny: Not long. Eh? Five minutes maybe...

Kevin: It feels like an eternity...

Kevin sees how upset and nervous Ashley is and tries to offer support.

Kevin: Hey...I know you probably don't care to hear this...I haven't done the best job at being a dad or husband...but...for what it's worth...I'm sorry. Not just for this but...everything...

Ashley: ...Thank you...and for what it's worth...The kids do think your great...and...in many ways you still are...

Kevin smiles with almost a sad look just slightly.

Kevin: Thanks...and Ash...we're gonna make it...I promise!

The tender moment is soon interrupted by Denny

Denny: So...What'd you two do to uh...you know...tick these guys off?

Kevin and Ashley just look at eachother with a confused look.

On the lake, Harry watches his watch.

Marv: You made a big mistake messing with us kids...you should have known after what your old man put us through, we wouldn't give up so easy.

Harry: Well...it's midnight...looks like daddy ain't gonna make it. Guess that means one thing...

Harry points his gun at them.

Harry: Time to see if there's a god...but I wouldn't count on him showing you much mercy after what you put us through!

Harry is just about to pull the trigger when a plane is heard approaching.

Marv: The plane Harry!

Harry: So...looks like daddy just saved your lives...for a few minutes at least. Marv, shoot the flare gun.

Marv shoots the flare gun as the plane comes their way. It soon lands on the lake just a few yards from the boat. Kevin opens the door and sees the kids.

Calvin: Dad!

Macy: Daddy!

Kevin: Are you ok!

Ashley comes from behind Kevin and nearly jumps onto the planes skis.

Ashley: (Crying) Macy! Calvin!

Macy and Calvin: Mom!

Harry lifts his gun to Macy's head.

Harry: Don't come closer lady or this one will be wearing her earrings in the back of her head!

Ashley: (Backing up) Please! Don't hurt my babies!

Kevin: (To Ashley) stay in the plane. I'll handle these guys...I won't let anything happen...trust me!

Ashley: Get our kids back!

Ashley gets back on the plane and waits.

Harry: Nice to see ya again kid! I've been waiting a long time for a family reunion!

Marv: Yeah! You know you never sent us a christmas card in 28 years!

Harry: Well now your gonna make up for all you done to us! So...you got are money?

Kevin: (Showing his briefcase) Right here! Now give me back my kids!

Harry: Not so fast! We're playing by my rules this time! First I check out the money! Toss me the case.

Kevin tosses the case and Harry and Marv catch it. They open it and see several stacks of $100s inside.

Marv about eats his fists in excitement!

Marv: We did it Harry! We're millionaires!

Harry digs through the money and sees that there is no way it could contain two million dollars.

Harry: This it? This ain't close to what we told you to bring!

Kevin: It's a hundred thousand! It's all I could raise short notice! I swear, just give me my kids now and I'll wire you the rest the second the banks open!

Harry: No good! I can't trust ya giving our...history! Looks like you lose kid!

Harry lifts his gun at the kids who scream!

Kevin: Alright! Alright! You win! Ashley! Give me the money sack!

Ashley hands Kevin the sack.

Kevin: Let's make a deal! I have fifty thousand more in this money bag.

Kevin takes a wad of it out but its really the green painted monopoly money (Though in the dark and from a distance it looks real) Give me one kid now and you get the sack, and the plane. The pilot will take you anywhere you want. And to get whichever kid you hold onto, I'll add additional one million!

Harry: An additional one million hu?

Harry and Marv look at eachother and think it sounds like a good deal.

Marv: Let's go for it Harry!

Harry: Beg us first!

Kevin: Your right...you didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you...I was a punk kid and should have just stayed out of your way. I was wrong! I'm begging your forgiveness now! Please! I'd do anything to get my children back!

Harry: I don't know...maybe it was that nice speech of yours, or maybe it's just that time of the year, but something deep down just touched my little grinch heart. You have a deal. Toss me the sack! Marv, open the briefcase, when he tosses the money, put it in the case!

Marv: I got it!

Harry: And start up the plane. We'll make the switch as soon as you hand over the money.

Kevin: (To Denny) You heard him! Start the engine!

Denny starts the engine as Marve prepares to open the suitcase.

The propeller starts to make wind at the boat but not enough to push it back.

Harry: What are you waiting on? Toss the sack!

Kevin: Ok!

Kevin tears off a piece of duct tape that was unseen before on the sack and a rip is exposed. A little bit of sand spills out in his direction.

Kevin: Here it comes...MACY! CALVIN! GET DOWN NOW!

Macy and Calvin get down on the floor as Kevin tosses the sack into the propeller! The sack disintegrates as lots of sand blows in the eyes of Harry and Marv! They both are blinded and Marv drops the case causing money to fly everywhere!

Harry: I can't see!

Marv: The money Harry!

Harry: Grab it!

Kevin: NOW KIDS!

Macy rams her football helmet head into Marv who screams and falls in the lake. Then Calvin pushes Harry and falls in too causing him to drop his gun! Kevin tosses a rope to the kids.

Kevin: Grab this!

The kids grab the rope as Kevin pulls the boat close enough to jump on. He hopes aboard and grabs the gun and aims it at Harry and Marv.

Kevin: Hold it guys! (To Ashley) Alright, now you can call the police!


	17. Christmas surprises and end!

"The Christmas song" is heard as the police are drying off Harry and Marv and a member of ambulance personnel is checking their injuries.

Ambulance personnel worker: (To Marv and Harry) I need to ask if either of you have ever had chickenpox before?

Marv and Harry look at eachother and shake their heads.

Marv: No why?

Ambulance personal: We better get you two to quarantine.

Kevin and Ashley are hugging and kissing Calvin and Macy.

Ashley: Oh my babies! Are you ok?!

Calvin and Macy: Yeah Mom.

Macy: Daddy...I'm sorry I was mad at you.

Kevin: No baby...I'm sorry...I have something for you!

Kevin gives her the doll she was wanting. Macy's eyes get wide and exited!

Macy: "My daughter" doll! Thanks dad!

Kevin: Yeah! Merry Christmas!

Macy: Merry Christmas Daddy!

Kevin stands up as Ashley gives Kevin a kiss.

Ashley: Merry Christmas.

The kids giggle as they see what's happening.

Kevin: After all my screw ups today I get a kiss? What's that about?

Ashley: Yeah you did screw up...but you were also great back there.

Kevin: So what does this mean?

Ashley: It's means we'll talk.

Kevin: You can talk...I'll listen!

Ashley kisses Kevin again as the kids giggle. Kevin looks up at the stars and talks softly to the sky.

Kevin: Thanks...(With a wink)

Just then one star in particular seems to grow a little brighter.

Meanwhile Denny is giving his statement to police.

Denny: That's right sir. And if it weren't for me all hope would have been lost.

A police officer goes up to another one about Harry and Marv.

Officer: Alright...take them away.

As the officers are taking them away Harry looks back at Kevin and his family.

Harry: (To himself while shaking his head) Son of a...

Kevin and his family wave at them

Kevin, Calvin, and Macy: Merry Christmas!

Marv: (To the officers) I want you all to tell the papers, the radio, the tv stations, ring it from the mountain tops that we are the smokey bandits!

Officer: You sure smell like it buddy!

Marv: Remember, that's Smokey bandits...

Harry: Suddup Marv!

Marv: That S...

Harry: Suddup Marv!

Marv: M...

Harry: Suddup Marv!

Marv: ...O...K...E..Y...

Harry: (While kicking Marv) Suddup! Suddup! Suddup!

The police put the two into a cop car and drive away.

That mourning after a long night and long sleep, Kevin, Ashley, Calvin, and Macy are fixing the christmas tree while the rest of the house is still a wreck.

Kevin: There! At least we have the tree up for christmas...

Calvin: Wait dad, you forgot this...

Calvin goes onto a drawer and pulls out the dove ornament.

Calvin: I didn't want it to break so I stashed it.

Kevin: Thanks buddy!

Kevin looks at it a second while Macy asks her mom if she can see if the Christmas parade is on tv.

Macy: Can I see if the parade is on mommy!

Ashley: Sure baby! Let me turn that on for you.

She turns on the tv as Kevin puts the dove on the tree.

The tv shows a report about the lost boy who has now been found. Will is on the tv with the boy and his family.

Macy: Look Calvin! It's Mr. Oaty!

Calvin looks in awe as the T.V. caption says: "Boy found on christmas after seeing flare lights."

The boy does some sign language as Will translates.

Will: (To the reporter translating the sign language ) He says: Thank you to my friends who gave their flare gun to help me. Merry christmas and hope to meet you soon!

Calvin and Macy : (To the T.V.) Merry Christmas!

Ashley: (To Kevin) Have you called your Mom yet?

Kevin: No...but now would be a good time!

Kevin picks up the phone and is about to call when he gets a knock at the door. To his shock and surprise, it's Kate and the rest of the family!

Kevin: Mom! What are you doing here!?

Kate comes in with everyone and starts to explain.

Kate: When we talked last, I just knew something was wrong. I just had that mother's intuition you know...so we got on the next plane and came right here!

Kevin: Well I'm so happy your all here?

Kate sees the damage to the house.

Kate: From the look of things I'd say my intuition was right!

Everyone else comes in wishing Kevin a Merry Christmas. Calvin and Macy run up to Kate with open arms.

Macy and Calvin: Grandma!

Kate: Oh come here my kids!

Kevin: (To Kate ) Well, there was a problem, but everything's fine now. It's a long story.

Kate: I look forward to hearing it!

Kevin: So everyone just decided to leave...just like that.

Kate: Well Frank wanted to stay until I told him he was paying from here on out.

Frank: Yeah...that yen makes me nervous! By the way here's your wallet...I'll owe you the money I spent...

Kevin:...Forgit it...Merry Christmas Uncle Frank!

Frank: Thanks Kevin! Merry Christmas!

Ashley comes forward to see Kate.

Ashley: Hello Kate.

Kate: Ashley?! Are you two...?

Ashley: ...We're gonna give things a try...Merry Christmas!

Kate: Merry Christmas!

The two hug as Macy hands Kate the picture of her and Peter she found.

Macy: Merry Christmas Grandma!

Kate: Oh! It's me and Peter...even before your dad was born! Thank you so much! This is the best gift ever!

Macy: Your welcome!

Calvin gives Fuller a pepsi.

Calvin: Here you go cousin Fuller. I know it's your favorite.

Fuller: Hey thanks buddy! I better drink this before we hit the road though!

Kevin looks around and notices that Buzz is the only one missing.

Kevin: Hey mom! Where's Buzz!?

Kate gets a shocked look on her face!

Kate: Oh my goodness! We...we left in such a hurry that we left him in Japan!

Kevin: Mom! You couldn't!

Kate: Calm down! It was a joke! He was just getting some bags.

Just then Buzz comes in with bags in each hand and in his mouth. He looks around at the damage with a shocked look and spits out the bag!

Buzz: CALVIN! MACY! KEVIN! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE!

Calvin, Macy, and Kevin all get a shocked look on their face as they wonder how to explain everything that happened!

THE END!


End file.
